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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT 



Safed and Keturah 



UNIFORM WITH THIS VOLUME 
THE WIT AND WISDOM OF SAFED THE SAGE 

BY 

WILLIAM E. BARTON 



1 



SAFED 
AND KETURAH 

The Third Series of the 

Parables of Safed the Sage 



BY ^^'^ • 

WILLIAM E.^ BARTON 




THE PILGRIM PRESS 

BOSTON CHICAGO 






Copyright 1921 
FRANK M. SHELDON 



THE PILGRIM PRESS 
BOSTON 



FEB -I 1922 

©CI.A654512 



^Cn All f att^nt WmB 



PUBLISHERS' PREFACE 

The popularity of the Parables of Safed the 
Sage has grown steadily since the appearance 
of the first of them in the summer of 1915. 
The Mississippi Mate, whose language was most 
unlike to that of the pulpit, but whose essential 
message was not wholly different, introduced 
this series in that year, and provoked so much 
of mirth and wholesome reflection that other 
articles in the same vein followed. The series 
on the Hollyhocks fairly launched the author 
upon his career as a grower of those beautiful 
flowers, bringing him seed from many readers, 
and requests for seed from the Hollyhocks of 
Safed. 

In some respects this is a unique form of 
instruction; in others it is very ancient. The 
things of ordinary life are taken as suggestions 
for practical lessons. This is a form of instruc- 
tion not only time-honored, but inevitable. 
We are continually advancing from the known 
to the unknown, and interpreting spiritual 
things in the light of things tangible. But 
Safed's method is wholly his own. His com- 



VUl 



PREFACE 



bination of things new and old is unlike that of 
any other writer of his generation. 

Two volumes of his Parables have already 
appeared in book form. The third is presented 
herewith. The publishers are confident that 
wherever it goes, home life will be more whole- 
some, childhood will appear more lovable, and 
common things will be seen to be full of valuable 
lessons. 

The publishers appreciate the interest with 
which the previous volumes have been wel- 
comed, and are confident that this one will 
increase the number of those who loved Safed 
and Keturah. 

The Publishers 



INTRODUCTION 

The author of these little chapters thanks the 
readers, whose interest has been his constant 
encouragement. The circle has widened 
considerably since these Parables began to 
appear. At first they were issued in a single 
religious newspaper, then in a small group of reli- 
gious papers, and now they are supposed to 
be read by not less than three millions of people 
every week. Safed and Keturah make their 
modest bow to more people than they at first 
supposed would probably be interested in them, 
and express their sincere appreciation of the 
kind words which reach them now and then 
through the various editors. 

The gathering of this third group of Parables 
for publication in book form is a pleasant task. 
With the book the author sends his salutation 
and best wishes. 

No apology is here offered for the optimism 
which underlies the philosophy of these little 
lessons. The author has lived long enough to 
know something of the sorrows and perplexi- 
ties of life, but he still believes that this is a good 



X INTRODUCTION 



world, and he is glad that he is alive and that 
Keturah is here with him. The two things for 
which he and Keturah are most thankful are 
their faith and their friends. 

Safed. 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

1 The Cherry Pie 3 

2 The Shoes Under the Bed 5 

3 The System of Keturah 7 

4 The Sunny Side of the Street lo 

5 The Spliced String I2 

6 Of Knowing Too Little and Too Much .... 14 

7 The Stone Half Way Up 18 

8 The Millionaire and the Scrublady 19 

9 The Long Walk 22 

10 The Pet Aversions 25 

11 Things that are Small 27 

12 Asking and Receiving 29 

13 The Late Arrival 31 

14 The Iron Fetters 34 

15 The Great Game 37 

16 The Ship that Did Not Sail 40 

17 - Something Different 43 

18 The Moving Vehicles 45 

19 Perhaps 47 

20 The Courage of the Captain 50 

21 Rising Above the Clouds 53 

22 The Oyster Shell 55 

23 The Gravity Trolley 58 

24 The Frog and the Hornet 60 

25 The Barometer 62 

26 The Private Car 64 

27 Reformers 66 

28 The Man Who Saw New York 69 

29 The Cocoanut Cakes 72 

30 The Viol that was Almost in Tune 74 

31 The ROADRUNNER ^^ 

32 The Guest-room Towels 80 

33 Pens 82 

xi 



xii CONTENTS 



PAGE 

34 Consistency 85 

35 Profanity 87 

36 The Evil and Good of Gossip 89 

37 The Kind of People in Our Town 92 

38 The Ethiopian Maiden and the Alarm Clock . 94 

39 The Contented Conductor 96 

40 The Strawberry Sundae 99 

41 The Traffic Cop and the Blind Man loi 

42 The Screens and the Shoes 104 

43 Things Not to be Forgotten 107 

44 The Car Wheels 109 

45 Things Ancient and Modern 112 

46 The Shoestrings 115 

47 The Lost Tooth 118 

48 The Transformed Tooth 120 

49 The Minister and the Saw 123 

50 The Transplanted Pine 126 

51 The Value of Things Despised 128 

52 The Flesh and the Spirit 130 

53 The Hornets' Nest 133 

54 Heroes and Heroines I35 

55 Good Health and Veracity 137 

56 Failure and Success 139 

57 The Bed and the Mattress 141 

58 Proteids and Calories 144 

59 The Doughboy and the Kitten 146 

60 The Pianola 149 

61 The Unidentified Taste 151 

62 The Keeper of the Inn .... .... 153 

63 Being Put Off at Oconomowoc 156 

64 The Man Who Ran Over a Rattlesnake . . . 159 

65 The Worm in the Concrete Gutter 161 

66 Philosophy and Money 163 

67 The Convention of the Lumbermen 165 

68 The Autumn Hollyhocks 167 

69 The Golden Hair 170 

70 The Little Girl in the Blue Dress 172 

71 Seeing the Fire Engine 175 

72 The Wives of the Prophet 177 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



THE CHERRY PIE 

Two kinds of women are in the world. And 
besides these two there is Keturah. The one 
kind maketh a Cherry Pie and taketh out none 
of the Stones. The other kind taketh out all of 
the Stones save one. 

Now I climbed the Cherry Tree, I and the 
Robins, and the Robins climbed higher than I, 
and got at it earlier and stayed at it later, and I 
was hard put to it to get any of the Cherries. 
But some of them I gathered, and I brought 
them in a Basket, and Keturah put the Kettle 
on, and certain of them she did Can. But 
some of them she took, and she made thereof a 
Cherry Pie. 

And the Crust thereof was made so that it did 
melt in my mouth, and the Cherries were rich 
with their own juice and with Sugar. And 
there were plenty of them between the Crusts; 
for after this manner doth Keturah make Cherry 
Pie. 

And in all the Pie there was not one Cherry 
Stone. And I knew that it would be so, for 
Keturah made it. 



4 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Now there be women who make Cherry Pies 
for their husbands, and they say unto them, 
Behold, here is a Cherry Pie with the Stones in; 
thou hast more time to Pluck them out than I 
have; and it is lucky for thee that thou get a 
Cherry Pie, even with the Stones in; and if 
thou likest it not, thou canst leave it. 

And the other kind say, Behold here is a 
Cherry Pie, and the Stones thereof have I taken 
out. But presently her husband biteth hard 
upon a Stone, and breaketh a Tooth, or crowdeth 
out a Filling so that it costeth him Four Dollars 
to Replace it. And when he chideth his wife, 
she breaketh into tears, and she saith. Thou art 
a Cruel Man. For thou givest me no credit for 
the Stones which I took out, and thou blamest 
me for the one Stone which I overlooked. 

Now the Lord hath mercifully spared me that 
I married neither of those women, but if I had 
to choose between them, I would take the 
woman who removeth no Stones from the 
Cherries, and biddeth her husband to beware, 
rather than her who professeth to have removed 
them all, but who leaveth one Stone to insure 
his weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

And the same is true of life, that men can 
meet bravely many trials when they have 
reason to expect them, but he is no friend who 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



promiseth Security when there is one hard 
Bump that a man must come up against, and 
be unprepared for it. 

But take it from me, when Keturah maketh 
a Cherry Pie, it is some Pie. 

THE SHOES UNDER THE BED 

Of Goodness there be many kinds. For a 
Shoe becometh good to wear when it becometh 
bad to look at. Wherefore do I complain when 
Keturah giveth away any of mine Old Shoes. 
And Keturah hath provided a place in the 
Closet, where they may stand in an Orderly 
Row; but it is my custom when I remove them 
at night to set them under the edge of the Bed. 
And at first there is one pair, and then there 
are other pairs, yea, and a pair of slippers also. 
And when I arise in the morning, I reach down 
with mine hand, and take up a Shoe, and if it 
be not the one that I would wear I set it back 
and find another. 

Now with this System Keturah is not well 
pleased. Wherefore from time to time doth 
she gather them up, and set them in array in the 
Closet. And she saith unto me, Wherefore 
doth my lord place his shoes under the Bed, 
which is not Expedient neither Orderly, when he 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



might better place them in a Nice Straight Row 
in the Closet? 

And I said unto her, Thou wast not made as 
I was made out of the dust of the earth. Thirty 
and three years ago did God cause a deep sleep 
to fall upon me. Then took He one of my Ribs 
and made thee. And thou camest into my 
life and next to mine heart, not as something 
from the world without, but as that which 
already belonged to me, and must be mine so 
long as the heavens endure. Nevertheless, of 
all my Ribs art thou the most Unquiet. 

And she said, I do admonish thee for thy 
good. 

And I said, O thou fairest among women, 
were God to establish a school for Husbands, 
he would make thee Principal. Yea, and I am 
favored above all men in having become the 
First and only Graduate of that school, Magna 
Cum Laude. 

And Keturah said, Thou hast learned many 
things, and in much thou hast done well. Yea, 
and I have yielded the Dipping of the Doughnut 
in the coffee; why wilt thou not pick up thy 
shoes? 

And I said, If I must, then I needs must. 

And I said. Thou hast an Hamper for soiled 
Clothing, and a Laundry Bag. I will put my 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



Linen in the Laundry Bag, if thou Avilt allow me 
a Little Latitude in the matter of the Shoes. 

And Keturah said, For thee that will be doing 
very well. 

And I answered and said, This will I do, even 
as I have promised, but O Keturah, I do not 
want to be Reformed any more than I am 
already Reformed. 

And Keturah said, I verily believe that there 
are worse husbands, even than thou. 

And then did she kiss me, which is a way that 
she hath. 

THE SYSTEM OF KETURAH 

We sat at a feast, both I and Keturah, and 
certain others. And the Hostess had prepared 
a Dinner that was Some Dinner. And we ate 
thereof and rejoiced. For I enjoy the eating of 
such Good Things as God hath given to men, 
and I can eat anything save it be Health Foods. 

And the Hostess talked of the Duty of 
Women to Organize and get their Rights. 
And she spake right well. And her husband 
spake not at all. 

And the servants brought in the Good StufT 
which Cometh toward the end of the Meal, and 
Keturah took thereof, even of the Ice Cream 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



and of the Cakes. But of the Ice Cream she 
ate but one small spoonful, and of the cakes 
brake she ofT save it were only a Crumb from 
Each Kind, that she might judge how many 
Eggs the Recipe called for, and whether they 
had used Butter or Cotolene. 

But as for me, I cared for none of these things, 
but ate all that was set before me. For I 
enjoy all manner of sweet things, even Pies and 
Cakes, and Ice Cream and Conserves, and Apple 
Pie, and Mince Pie, and Custard Pie, and 
Cherry Pie whereof all the Stones have been 
taken out, and Pound Cake, and Sponge Cake, 
and Cocoanut Cake, and Chocolate Cake, and 
Angel Cake, and Wedding Cake, and Fruit 
Cake, and Sherbets and Preserves, and Straw- 
berry Jam, and Apple Butter, and Preserved 
Figs, and Fruit that hath been preserved in its 
weight in Sugar, and many other kinds. But 
Keturah careth little for them ; nevertheless she 
taketh them when I sit nigh unto her. 

Now while the Hostess was talking about 
women Organizing and Having a System, 
Keturah slipped her Full Plate over to me, and I 
slipped my empty one back to her, and I ate 
her Ice Cream, and her Cakes besides mine own. 
And the Hostess saw it not, neither they that 
sat at meat. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



And this hath Keturah done many times in 
the years wherein we have been married, and 
her System worketh to her Complete Satisfac- 
tion, yea and to mine. 

Now on the next day there came to me a 
man who said, Behold, I have owed thee Fifty 
Shekels of long time, and thou didst lend this to 
me when I was Hard Up. Now will I repay 
thee. 

And I embraced him and I thanked him much ; 
for if all men who have borrowed from me would 
repay me, I should have more wealth than I 
now possess. 

Now it came to pass that night as we sat at 
meat that I slipped the Plate of Keturah where 
mine had been, and mine where hers had been. 
And she looked, and behold, on the plate which 
I slipped across to her there were five pieces of 
gold, each of the value of Ten Shekels. 

And she cried out and said, What is this, and 
whence came it? 

And I said. Get thee to the sellers of Silk in 
the City, and to them that prepare Fine Rai- 
ment for women, and buy thee a Stunning New 
Frock, and see to it thou bring me back No 
Change. 

And she asked me saying. Dost thou not need 
this Money for other things? 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



And I said, O thou to the arch of whose eye- 
brow the New Moon is a Servant Maid, some 
women have a System different from thine, but 
thine Suiteth me Mighty Well, and from time to 
time there shall be Reciprocity. I also will 
work thy system and see how well it worketh in 
Reverse Gear. 

And I thought of men whose Religion con- 
sisteth in Teasing God for what they think are 
their Rights or their Desires, and others who 
delight in giving to God the best that they 
have. And I said in mine heart that those 
Christians get most out of the Goodness of God 
who follow the system of Keturah. For it is 
a system that worketh well both with man and 
God. 

THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET 

Now the Shears wherewith I write much of 
my wisdom became Dull, so that they would not 
cut easily. And I looked out of my Window 
and I saw on the other side of the Street an 
Ancient man out of Denmark, who goeth to and 
fro, and sharpeneth Knives and Shears and 
Repaireth Things. And I went to him, and I 
besought him, saying. Come thou and sharpen 
my Shears. 



SAFED AND KETURAH ii 

And he said, It is morning now, and thou 
livest on the East Side of the Street; therefore 
will I come not now, but I will come when it is 
toward Evening. 

But I said, I shall not be there when it is 
toward evening. Come thou now. 

And as he sharpened my Shears, I asked him, 
saying. Why didst thou refuse to come to me in 
the Morning? 

And he said, All living things require the Sun. 
The trees grow not save they have the sun, and 
no life thrives if it have it not. Therefore do I 
always go on the West side of the Street in the 
morning, and on the East side in the Evening. 

And he said. Thou art a man of Learning. 
Behold, I would speak to thee of many things. 

And he opened a Box that he carried, and he 
took out a Tray wherein were his Tools, and 
beneath the Tray were Books that he was 
Reading, yea, and a Book that he was Writing. 
And he read to me out of the book. And 
it had in it many strange Theories, and Interest- 
ing Ideas. And although I did not think them 
Sound, yet I marveled that this Commonplace 
Ancient Man of Denmark thought of the Deep 
Things of Life as he Sharpened his Knives and 
Scissors. 

Now it had been hard for me to get him to 



12 SAFED AND KETURAH 

come to me in the morning, because I lived on 
the East Side of the Street, but it was harder 
to get him to leave before Evening,' because he 
had many things to talk about, and he cared 
much more to talk about them than he did to 
Sharpen Shears. Nevertheless, he left me. 

And I spake unto Keturah, and I said. That 
old Dane hath many a Strange Bat in his Belfry, 
but he hath some notions that are not Half Bad. 
Human life hath One Road, whereon all men 
travel, and they travel every man in one and the 
Same Direction. For at one end of the road is 
the Cradle, and at the other end thereof there is 
the Grave, and there be no man who travels that 
road backward. But although the Road hath 
but one Direction yet hath it Two Sides. There- 
fore will I shout to all men who travel the 
Highway of Life, and I will say unto them, Walk 
ye on the Sunny Side. 

THE SPLICED STRING 

There came to me a man who had made no 
great success of his own affairs, but who was 
eloquent as to methods whereby other men might 
Win Success. And his great god whereby he 
swore was named Efficiency. 

And he spake unto me, saying. The trouble 



SAFED AND KETURAH 13 

with the Churches, and with the Whole Shooting 
Match of thy kind of work, is that it knoweth 
nothing of Efficiency. 

And I answered and said unto him, 
The home of my boyhood had in it no Fire- 
place, but we bought our String by the Ball. 
And the home of my Grandsire had a Vast Fire- 
place, but they bought no String, for they kept 
the twine that came wrapped around packages 
from the store. Wherefore in mine own home 
if I desired a String, I went to the ball, and cut 
off how much soever I would. But in the house 
of my Grandsire if I asked for String, my Grand- 
mother did give me a little piece that had come 
to her with the Sugar or the Starch. Now 
there was a day when I was in the home of my 
Grandsire, and I desired a long String. And 
I besought my Grandmother, and she gave me 
Many Short Strings. And I began to tie them 
together, and to lay out the long string that I 
was making on the Floor, that I might discern 
how long it was. And I began at the end of the 
room that was next unto the Fireplace. And 
when I had laid down my first string, and tied 
another to the end of it, I stopped to untangle 
another string. 

Then did a Spark fly out from the Fireplace 
and light the end of my string. And I knew it 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



not. But I went to the end of the room, and I 
passed through the door into the next Room, 
and I tied on more string. And behold, the fire 
followed me as fast as I tied, and when I looked 
around, I had but one string, and that was 
shorter than any one of those that I had tied 
together. Even so is it with thine Efficiency. 
He is a god with feet of clay that cannot bear 
up his own weight, and he burneth up practical 
results faster than he tieth on his new methods. 

And the man said. Thou dost not understand. 
Be silent and I will explain to thee the workings 
of Efficiency. 

And I said. The greater part of thine efficiency 
is like unto a Steamboat with a Small Boiler and 
a Big Whistle. Whenever it bloweth the Whistle 
the Engine stoppeth, and it bloweth the Whistle 
continually. 

And he saw that I was Hopeless, and he left 
me. * 

OF KNOWING TOO LITTLE AND 
TOO MUCH 

There came to the City wherein I dwell a 
man who delivered a Lecture, and I and Ketu- 
rah we went. And the subject whereof he spake 
was one about which he knew very little. But 



SAFED AND KETURAH 15 



he spread that little over the surface of an 
Interesting Talk, and the people enjoyed it, 
and so did we. Yea, and we were profited 
thereby, although the Lecturer knew little more 
than he told us. 

And there came another man who spake on 
the same subject, and we went to hear him. 
And he was a man of Great Erudition. And I 
said. Now shall we hear something Worth 
While. 

But he began by telling us the History of the 
Subject and the Various Attempts to Elucidate 
it. And then he spake of the Various Theories 
that had been Suggested concerning it, and the 
books that had been written in Divers Tongues 
with regard to it. And he said that a certain 
opinion had been held by men of learning, but 
was now no longer highly regarded, but that the 
opinion that was to take its place was in dispute. 
And he suggested Various Aspects of the theme 
which he said he could not Discuss because it 
would require a Volume on any one of them. 

And about that time it was time to stop, and 
he stopped. 

And as we journeyed toward our home, 
Keturah said, He certainly is a man of large 
knowledge. 

And I answered. Yea, and for the purposes of 



i6 SAFED AND KETURAH 



that audience it were better if he had known 
the tenth part of what he knoweth. For the 
first man carried all his goods in his show- 
window, and this man blocked the sidewalk 
with dray-loads of unopened cases and bales 
of unassimilable and useless wisdom. 

And Keturah said, I have heard that a Little 
Knowledge is a Dangerous thing. 

And I said. Believe it not. A little knowledge 
is good for seed, but there is such a thing as 
that a man getteth drowned in his own knowl- 
edge. For the first man knew little, but used 
that little effectively, and the second man knew 
much, and it was useless. 

And I said unto Keturah, Like unto a Spider 
that is entangled in its own web, so is the man of 
much knowledge who is unable to employ it. 
Better is it that a man know little and be able 
to use it wisely, than to know much and to get 
lost in the swamp of it. 

And Keturah said, Nevertheless, I think that 
knowledge is good, and much knowledge is 
better than little. 

And I said. All human knowledge is small, 
and the difference between the man who know- 
eth much and the man who knoweth little is too 
small to waste much time in futile distinctions. 
For in the sight of God the wisdom of both is 



SAFED AND KETURAH ly 

foolishness. But the value of knowledge is in 
the use of it. 

And Keturah inquired of me, saying, Art 
thou a man of much knowledge or of little? 

And I answered, If so be that I am able to use 
my knowledge and get away with it, what doth 
it matter if it be little or large? Behold, 
though I be ignorant, yet have I no trouble in 
finding people yet more ignorant, and if the 
stream wherein they swim is over their head, 
what doth it matter if it be an inch or ten thou- 
sand cubits? 

And Keturah said, I do verily believe that 
among the ignorant men of earth there be some 
who are more ignorant than my lord ; and if any 
of them do think thee wise, I shall not tell 
them that it is not so. 

And I said, A little honey on the end of a rod 
was nigh unto being the death of Jonathan, but 
it enlightened his eyes, and it was better than 
an whole beehive whereof one might see only 
the outside. 



i8 SAFED AND KETURAH 

THE STONE HALF WAY UP 

There came unto me one of the great men in 
Israel, upon whom God had laid the burden of a 
Great Task. And he said unto me, Safed, art 
thou ever Weary? 

And I answered him, saying. Well, hardly 
ever. 

And he inquired of me again, saying, Art thou 
ever Completely Discouraged? 

And I answered him, I have ever one more 
Shot in my Locker. 

And he said, I am Completely Tired Out; and 
what is worse, I am Discouraged. 

And I said unto him, O my friend, God hath 
highly honored thee in giving to thee a Task 
beyond thy Strength. Listen to the word of a 
wise man, who thus spake unto me. Seek not 
for tasks to which thy strength is equal; seek 
rather for strength adequate to thy tasks. 

And he said, Yea, but this is Up-Hill all the 
way. 

And I said, There is no Hill that reached to 
the sky, and every Hill hath beyond its Summit 
a Down-Hill Side. If thou stop now, half way 
up, thy task shall roll back upon thee and crush 
thee; but if thou put a little more Punch into 
thine Up-Hill Rolling of the Stone, then shalt 



SAFED AND KETURAH 19 

thou come to the Crest, and the thing will roll 
more easily downward. 

And he said, I know that it is so, but I fear 
that this task will kill me. 

And I laughed him to scorn, and I said, Take 
courage; for thou shalt yet dance upon the 
Coffin-lid of this job. 

And as he rose to go, I said unto him. Listen, 
O my friend, and mark well my words. Some 
men when they die will be Dust; but by the 
grace of God it shall not be so with me nor yet 
with thee. We shall not be Dust, but Ashes. 

THE MILLIONAIRE AND THE 
SCRUBLADY 

There is a certain Millionaire, who hath his 
Offices on the Second Floor of the First National 
Bank Building. And when he goeth up to his 
Offices he rideth in the Elevator, but when he 
goeth down, then he walketh. 

And he is an Haughty Man, who once was 
poor, and hath risen in the World, and he is a 
Self-made Man who worshipeth his maker. 

And he payeth his Rent regularly on the first 
day of the month, and he considereth not that 
there are Human Beings who run the Elevators, 
and who Clean the Windows, hanging at a great 



20 SAFED AND KETURAH 

height above the Sidewalk, and who shovel 
Coal into the furnaces under the Boilers. 
Neither doth he at Christmas time remember 
any of them with a Tip or a Turkey. 

And there is in that Building a Poor Woman 
who Scrubbeth the Stairs and the Halls. And 
he hath walked past her often but hath never 
seen her until Recently. For his head was 
high in the air, and he was thinking of More 
Millions. 

Now it came to pass on a day that he left his 
Office, and started to walk down the Stairs. 

And the Scrublady was half way down; for 
she had begun at the top, and was giving the 
stairs their First Onceover. And upon the top- 
most Stair, in a wet and soapy spot, there was a 
Large Cake of Yellow Soap. And the Mil- 
lionaire stepped upon it. 

Now the foot which he set upon the Soap flew 
eastward toward the Sunrise, and the other foot 
started on an expedition of its own toward the 
going down of the Sun. And the Millionaire 
sat down upon the Topmost Step, but he did not 
remain there. As it had been his Intention to 
Descend, so he Descended, but not in the manner 
of his Original Design. For he descended faster, 
and he struck each step with a sound as it had 
been of a Drum. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 21 

And the Scrublady stood aside courteously, 
and let him go. And he stayed not on the order 
of his going. 

And at the bottom he arose, and considered 
whether he should rush into the Office of the 
Building and demand that the Scrublady be 
fired; but he considered that if he should tell the 
reason there would be great Mirth among the 
occupants of the Building. And so he held his 
peace. 

But since that day he taketh notice of the 
Scrublady, and passeth her with Circum- 
spection. 

For there is no man so high or mighty that he 
can afford to ignore any of his fellow human 
beings. For a very Humble Scrublady and a 
very common bar of Yellow Soap can take the 
mind of a Great Man off his Business Troubles 
with surprising rapidity. 

Wherefore, consider these things, and count 
not thyself too high above even the humblest of 
the children of God. 

Lest haply thou come down from thy place of 
pride and walk off with thy bruises aching a 
little more by reason of thy suspicion that the 
Scrublady is Smiling into her Suds, and facing 
the day's work the more cheerfully by reason of 
the fun thou hast afforded her. 



22 SAFED AND KETURAH 

For these are solemn days, and he that bring- 
eth a smile to the face of a Scrublady hath not 
lived in vain. 

THE LONG WALK 

The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
hath a little friend who cometh to see her, and 
playeth with her in the Yard, hard by the Win- 
dow, where their voices may be heard inside the 
House. And mostly they play very Happily; 
but now and then for the sake of Variety they 
indulge in Argument and Comparison like grown 
Folk. And it was upon a day that they got 
thus into a Friendly Scrap, the first part of 
which I heard not. But the Argument had 
reached a stage where the daughter of the 
daughter of Keturah was advancing and backing 
the other little damsel off the Map, and the 
other little girl could only answer, I did not, or 
You can not, or It is not. 

And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
said, 

I can walk Fifty-nine miles. 

And the other little girl said. You can not. 

And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
said, I can take my Grandpa's hand and keep 
up with him, and he can walk Fifty-nine miles, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 23 

and I can walk Fifty-nine miles with' him if I 
hold his hand. 

And the other little damsel said, You can not. 

Then did the daughter of the daughter of 
Keturah tell unto the other little girl how great 
and good a Grandpa she had. And I am too 
modest a man to write down what she said; 
but if George Washington and Solomon and a 
few others were to live in one, peradventure he 
might be a Second-cousin or a Remote Acquain- 
tance of a man such as the daughter of the 
daughter of Keturah described. ^ 

And the other little girl was speechless; for 
she could not say. Thy grandpa is not the only 
Pebble on the Beach; I also have a Grandpa 
whose hair is fully as Grey and whose Bald 
Spot is larger than thy Grandpa's; for the 
daughter of the daughter of Keturah had carried 
the matter beyond all comparison. And the 
other little girl could only change the subject, 
and say, 

I can kick your whole house down and all 
your trees. 

And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah, 
knowing that she had won out, said sweetly. 

Go ahead. 

Now there is no man who knoweth so well as I 
how far from right is the estimate of the little 



24 SAFED AND KETURAH 

maiden concerning the goodness and the great- 
ness of her Grandpa. Nevertheless it pleased 
me more than any man can understand who is 
not a Grandpa; for unto none others hath the 
Lord given wisdom to know of such matters. 
And the next time a man goeth by and 
bloweth a small whistle, she shall have a Red 
Balloon. 

For apart from her beautiful delusion concern- 
ing the poor man concerning whom I pray my 
God that she may be never undeceived, the 
little maiden is not wholly wrong. For when 
she holdeth my hand she can do things which 
otherwise she could not do. 

And I prayed unto my God a prayer, and I 
said, 

O my God, Thou hast permitted us through 
the gift of little lives such as these to discern 
spiritual truths which thou hast hid from the 
wise and prudent and revealed unto babes, that 
so we might enter into the Kingdom of Heaven 
as little children. Grant unto me this, O my 
Father, that I shall hold so fast to Thine Hand 
that the journey that would otherwise be 
impossible shall be possible for me, and the task 
that would have been too great may be accom- 
plished through thy strength. For I can do all 
things through Him that strengtheneth me 



SAFED AND KETURAH 25 

and if I hold Thy Hand I can run and not be 
weary, and walk and not faint. 

THE PET AVERSIONS 

We went unto a Reception, I and Keturah. 
And when they gave unto us Sandwiches and a 
Cup of Tea, and nowhere to set it, there came a 
woman and sat beside me. And she inquired 
of me, saying. Art thou Safed the Sage? 

And I answered, I am Safed; and concerning 
my sagacity there is an honest difference of 
opinion. 

And she said, I have somewhat against thee, 
for my husband hath read thy Stuff, and he 
telleth me that thou hast no love for Curl Papers. 
. And since he hath read thy Parables, he scol- 
deth me for wearing a Boudoir Cap to break- 
fast. But if I did not wear it in the morning, 
how should my hair look nice for the Reception? 

And I said unto her, I have three pet aver- 
sions, yea, four things do I abhor. They are 
bedclothes that come out at the foot, and 
Tapioca Pudding, and Fringed White Napkins 
for a man who weareth a Black Coat, and Curl 
Papers at breakfast. 

And she said, But is not the Boudoir Cap all 
right? 



26 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I said, The Lord hath given unto me a 
mighty spirit of discernment so that I behold 
under its lace and ribbon a frowsled head and 
untidy Curl Papers. 

And she said, A woman desireth to look her 
best when she goeth out. 

And I said, A woman should try as hard to 
look well in the sight of her husband as she did 
before he was her husband. 

And I got her a second cup of tea, and 
departed. 

And as we went our way, Keturah said, I 
beheld thee in conversation with such and such a 
lady. How didst thou like her? 

And I said unto Keturah, If that woman 
should discover the list of women whom I have 
selected for my second wife, she might read it, 
softly humming. Is My Name Written There? 
and she would seek it in vain. 

And Keturah said, May I read that list? 

And I said, I will typewrite it for thee and 
paste it upon thy Mirror. 

And the list that I pasted there had these 
names and no more : 

Keturah. 

Keturah. 

Keturah. 

And Keturah said, Though I commend thy good 



SAFED AND KETURAH 27 

taste in desiring that thy first wife be also thy 
second, and I feel duly honored, yet am I not sure 
that I will marry as my second husband a man 
who giveth no better reason for choosing me than 
that I do not wear a Boudoir Cap to breakfast. 
And I said, That may not be my only reason, 
but it is a sufficient reason to a man who desireth 
a few Pet Prejudices, such as mine against the 
Boudoir Cap at breakfast. There be women 
who nag their husbands, and women who season 
the coffee of their husbands with Rough on 
Rats, and I desire none of them. But I would 
rather marry both Xantippe and Lucretia 
Borgia than a woman who doth not comb her 
hair until after breakfast. Yea, rather than 
that thou shouldest come down to breakfast with 
a Boudoir Cap hiding Curl Papers, I would see 
thee Chew Gum in Prayer Meeting. 

THINGS THAT ARE SMALL 

I was putting on my Outer Garments, and 
going unto a Committee Meeting. And I was 
late. And Keturah said unto me. Go thou by 
the way of the house of our Daughter, and give 
unto her this Package, and speak unto her such 
and such Messages, and then go thou unto thy 
Committee Meeting. 



28 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I did even as she said unto me. But I 
was in haste, and I tarried not long, nor sat 
down. 

And as I hastened away, I heard a great Cry, 
and I turned back to see if the daughter of the 
daughter of Keturah had broken her Neck. 
And she had not broken her Neck, but I had 
broken her Heart. 

And I asked. What is the matter with my 
Httle girl? 

And she sobbed and she answered. Grandpa 
hardly spoke to me. I am so little he does not 
care for me. 

Now when I heard this I was smitten to mine 
heart, for it had been even as she said. And 
the little maiden is unto me as the Apple of 
mine Eye. But I had been in an Hurry, for 
there was a Committee Meeting, and I was late. 

And I entered the House, and I took her into 
mine arms, and I sat in a Chair with the little 
maiden in my lap, and with her Golden Hair 
upon my Shoulder, and I said. Let the Com- 
mittee Meeting go hang. 

And she said, You do love me. Grandpa, don't 
you, even if I am small? 

And I said. My dear, I love thee as much as if 
thou wert the Fat Lady in the Side Show, and 
maybe more. Yea, I do not think it would be 



SAFED AND KETURAH 29 

possible for a Grandsire to love a little damsel 
more than I love thee. 

And she put her arms around my neck, and 
the Committee Meeting just had to mosey 
along as best it could till I got there. 

Now after a while she got down, and we bade 
each other an Happy Good-bye, and I went my 
way. And as I went, I thought of the children 
of God who sometimes get to feeling just the 
same way, and thinking that their Heavenly 
Father doth not care for them because they are 
so Little, and He is busy with Great Things. 

And I prayed unto my God on behalf of all 
such Heart-Broken children of His, that He 
will gather them in his arms, and comfort them, 
and tell them to cast all their care upon Him, 
for it Mattereth to Him concerning them. 

ASKING AND RECEIVING 

I have a friend and he hath an Automobile; 
and as I climbed in beside him upon the front 
seat he remarked, 

The Automobile hath become a necessity. 

And I answered him and said. Yea, verily: 
it is necessary for me that my friends shall own 
them. 

And we had a fine ride. For I have an half 



30 SAFED AND KETURAH 

ownership in the Cars of all my friends. And 
they are mighty good to me. 

And we rode afar. And behold there stood 
upon the Curb a lad who looked as if he would 
go somewhere. And my friend slowed down, 
for he said, 

Behold, that lad desireth to go in our direc- 
tion, and we will take him in on the back seat 
and help him on his journey. 

And as we drew nigh and slowed down the 
lad yelled, 

Gimme a ride. 

And he prepared to climb in. 

But my friend stepped on the gas and the 
car shot forward, and left the lad upon the 
curb. 

And my friend said. 

It maketh me allfired mad the manners of this 
rising generation. That lad was well dressed, 
and the folk in this part of town are good 
families; and he should know how to address a 
gentleman and how to ask a Favour. But he 
knoweth nothing save to make an Impudent 
Demand. Yea, it is so with most of them. 
Politeness to older folk is unknown to them. 
The kids of this generation are the limit. 

Now I considered this matter and I resolved 
that I would say to the young folk of this 



SAFED AND KETURAH 31 

generation that Politeness costeth very little 
and often helpeth one on his journey, while 
Impudence getteth a man nowhere. And I 
resolved that I would suggest to them that they 
learn to say, If thou dost please, and also, I 
thank thee. 

Then I considered those who ask of God and 
receive not because they ask amiss. And I 
wondered if God doth not speed up the Universe 
and leave some men standing on the curb 
because they have not yet learned to be Polite 
unto God. 

THE LATE ARRIVAL 

There liveth in a certain city a man whose 
name is John Smith, and he hath been for many 
years an Honest and Inconspicuous Citizen. 
And it came to pass after many years that his 
name began to appear Among Those Present; 
and it seemed unto him Mighty Good to get 
into the outer edges of the Limelight, and he 
began to yearn for a place a little nearer unto 
the Center of the Stage. 

Now there was a great Public Banquet at the 
leading Hotel, and all the Prominent Citizens 
shook their Dress Suits out from the Moth 
Balls and were present. And John Smith had a 



32 SAFED AND KETURAH 

place at the Further End of the Speakers' 
Table. 

And after the Hoi PoUoi were seated, then 
did the Occupants of the Speakers' Table file in 
and take their seats, while the Band played. 
It Looketh unto me like a Big Night Tonight. 
And John Smith felt good clean down into his 
Boots to think that a Part of that Chautauqua 
Salute was for him. 

Now there was one Vacant Seat at the Speak- 
ers' Table, and they all knew whose it was. 
For G. Fred Jones did habitually arrive late. 
And when he came in about twelve minutes after 
all the others were seated, then did the Band 
play, Hail to the Chief. And the Presiding 
Officer walked over and said. So good of thee to 
come; we feared that thou hadst been detained. 

Now John Smith believed all this, and he 
said: I am wise to this little Game. It is he 
who cometh late that getteth the Glad Hand, 
whereas he who cometh in with the Bunch is 
unnoticed. 

Now there came another Banquet and John 
Smith had a seat a little further from the end 
and a little nearer to the center of the Speakers' 
Table, and he arrived fifteen minutes late. 
And he said: Now for the Big Noise when I 
enter. 



SAFED AND KETURAH z^ 

And behold, as he drew nigh, he heard the 
sound of Music, for the Band was playing. Hail, 
Hail, the Gang's All Here, and he slipped in 
wholly unobserved. 

When he sought for his seat, behold it had 
been given unto another, for the Presiding Officer 
said : We thought thou wert out of Town. Now 
behold, there are some good seats yonder by the 
Door. Go thou away back and be thou seated. 

And he went away back and sat down. And 
he did not enjoy the Banquet a little bit, neither 
did his food that he ate that night agree with 
him and his applause of the Speeches lacked 
something of Heartiness. 

And he said within himself: Behold, I have 
several times made of myself a Fool, but this is 
the worst in all my sweet young life. For I 
perceive that he who setteth his foot upon the 
First Round of the Ladder of Publick Recogni- 
tion, is a Fool if he thinketh that he hath already 
attained. For he who hath arrived can work 
those little stunts that increase his Popularity, 
whereas if a man more obscure doth attempt 
one of them, he only increaseth his obscurity. 

And I considered this Truthful Tale, and I 
said: Little Fishes Should Keep nigh unto the 
Shore. Nevertheless there is yet hope for John 
Smith, for he is capable of learning Wisdom 



34 SAFED AND KETURAH 

from his own Folly, and that is the only real 
way in Which Wise Men such as I have attained 
Wisdom. For we all started with a Large 
Endowment of Folly, and it departeth very 
slowly from even the Wisest of Men. 

THE IRON FETTERS 

I rode upon a Train; and the day drew on 
toward Evening, and the Porter came to make 
down my Berth. And I sat for a time in the 
next section, where was a man and a young 
man. And the Man said. Sit here if thou wilt. 
And he moved over. And when I sat down, 
behold, there was something hard under me. 
And I Essayed to remove it, but I saw what it 
was, and I pushed it into the Corner of the Seat, 
for I did not desire to publish unto the people 
of the Car what I had found. And I said unto 
the man, I am not very familiar with this kind 
of Ornament. 

And he said. It belongeth unto me. 

And we talked of other things. But I saw 
the young man's ankles that they were bound 
with an heavy strap, so that he might walk a 
little in the Car, but take short steps only. So 
that not every one noticed that he was bound 
with Fetters. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 35 

And in the Night I heard in the berth that was 
next to mine the Clank of the Fetters. For the 
Sheriff took off the strap and placed the iron 
fetter upon the ankle of the lad, one fetter upon 
the lad's ankle, and one upon his own. And 
this had they done for Four Nights. Even all 
the way from Seattle to Syracuse. 

And I listened unto the clank of the Fetters, 
and it grieved me that it should be so. And I 
considered that he that bindeth his fellow man 
is bound with him; and the Keeper of a Prison 
is himself a Prisoner; and the fetters of iron 
wherewith a man may manacle another man 
bind him also. 

Now in the evening I had not spoken unto the 
young man of his bonds. Neither did I let 
him see that I had noticed him. But in the 
morning the Sheriff spake unto me, and he said, 

This young man and I have slept for four 
nights in the same berth, bound foot to foot, and 
neither of us have slept any too well. And last 
night we spake of thee: and I said unto him, I 
think that he is a man of God. And now, 
behold, the lad desireth to speak unto thee. 
And it may be that thou canst say good things 
unto him. For we have come from the Coast, 
and we get off at Syracuse, and then he goeth 
to jail to await his Trial. 



36 SAFED AND KETURAH 

So I sat with the young man, and I asked him 
no questions, but he told me many things. 
And the Burden of it all was this, 

I have a good Father, but I thought he was 
too strict with me, and a good Mother, but I 
thought she was an Old Fogy. And I loved the 
Bright Lights and the Praise of the Gang. And 
I saw in the Movies how easily one might be 
Rich, and I wanted some Easy Coin. There- 
fore have they brought me back twenty-five 
hundred miles for Grand Larceny. 

And I spake unto him such words as God gave 
unto me. And I said, Think not that the chain 
of iron upon thy feet is thy worst Fetter. For 
behold, thou wast chained already when thou 
didst covet that which was not thine own: 
and in throwing off the yoke of thy father and 
the advice of thy mother, thou didst become the 
Prisoner of Evil. 

And he said, Verily, I know it. 

And the Sheriff said. He is not a bad kid at 
heart : but thus is it with the man that despiseth 
the law of his father and disregardeth the tears 
of his mother. 

Now the train reached Syracuse and there 
was a Patrol Wagon backed up at the Curb. 
And I said unto the young man. 

Tell the truth, whatever it shall cost thee. 



SAFED AND KETURAH ^7 

Take thy medicine, however so bitter it may be. 
Beware of evil companions. Seek forgiveness 
and help from thy God. And see that thou 
die not until thou make thy mother proud of 
thee. 

And he asked me for my name, and the name 
of the City where I dwelt. And he said, One 
day I shall come to see thee; and then shall be 
no bracelets on my wrists, neither straps nor 
irons on my legs, but I shall be honest and free. 

And I said unto him, If the Son of God shall 
make thee free, thou shalt be free indeed. 

THE GREAT GAME 

I journeyed by Boat in the Good Old Summer- 
time; and I put off my Prophet's Mantle, and I 
wore a Short Coat and a Cap and I looked like 
a Minister off on his Vacation save that I Draw 
the Line at a Red Necktie. And the Ship's 
Clock struck Five Bells, which meaneth Half 
Past Six. So I went unto the Dining Room, 
and the Head Steward gave me a place at a 
Table where Three People already were seated. 
And one of them was a Lady, and she sat Over 
Against me. 

And she sought to put me at my ease at once, 
and to make me a Member of the Party. And 



38 SAFED AND KETURAH 

she Spake unto her Husband, but she looked at 
me, and she said: 

Now this is Very Pleasant to have this Fourth 
Place filled, for I never like to sit at a Table with 
a Vacant Place across from me. And I am 
sure we welcome this Gentleman to our Little 
Group. And, furthermore, I am persuaded that 
he is a Good Bridge Player. And after we have 
Dined we may sit in the Aft Cabin and play a 
Pleasant Little Game. 

And her Husband, being thus admonished to 
Follow her Lead, addressed me, saying, Welcome 
to Our City. 

And we spake of the Weather, and How Much 
Better it was to travel by Boat than by Rail in 
Hot Weather, and how it was a Calm Night. 
And then the Lady Resumed the Subject of 
Bridge. And she said. 

Tell me, am I not Right? I know a Good 
Bridge Player every time. And this also have 
I observed, that all Really Good Bridge Players 
Deny It. 

Now if I had admitted it she would have felt 
sure she was right, and if I had denied it she 
would have felt more sure. Therefore, I held 
my peace, and spake of other things. 

But again she asked me, and I said, I play a 
more serious game. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 39 

And she said, Oh, I know! You men all 
think Poker is so much better than Bridge! 
But Poker is a Man's Game and I like it not. 
But I just love Bridge; 

And I said, The Apostle Paul speaketh of 
Epaphroditus that he played the Gambler with 
his life for the Lord's sake. And he commend- 
eth his associates as Men who had Hazarded 
their lives for the Kingdom of God. I play the 
Great Game of Life, face to face with an inscruta- 
ble player whose Hand is hidden so that I see 
not the cards she holdeth. And some men call 
her Nature, and some men Fate or Destiny, 
but the servant of God playeth ever in the dark- 
ness with an Angel that will not tell its name. 
And the hazard is this, that in a world where 
many of the Cards are black and some are red, 
I wager my very soul that Hearts are trumps. 
I play the Game of Life with all that I possess 
staked on my belief that, though Money driveth 
men mad, the Diamond and all that it repre- 
senteth doth not take the trick; that in a world 
where Cruelty doth abound, and War doth 
rage, and Death doth walk abroad, the Spade 
is not the card that winneth all things upon the 
green table of the earth. I stake mine all upon 
my faith that Hearts are trumps, and that Love 
is the highest card in the pack. I bet my life 



40 SAFED AND KETURAH 

that Love is after all the Greatest thing in the 
world. That God is love, and men are brothers, 
and that at the end of the Game when we all 
Cash In we shall find that he who said that 
Diamonds were trumps will go where his Money 
will purchase nothing, and he who hath said 
that Clubs were trumps will go where clubs and 
cannon count for nothing, and he who hath said 
that Spades were trumps will find that Death is 
not a finality, but Life and Love and God and 
Duty and Heroism and Sacrifice Win Out. 
That is the Great Game which I play. And 
the Stakes are High. I have Bet my Life as 
Epaphroditus did, and have hazarded my soul 
like the three men in the Burning Fiery Furnace. 
I have made my wager that God is good, and 
Love is the final law of the universe. 

And I ceased, and the Lady said, 

Oh, I just do love to hear you talk! Oh, I 
think it's just grand to be able to talk like that! 

And of Bridge spake they no more. 

THE SHIP THAT DID NOT SAIL 

He who rideth on a railway train in hot 
weather when he might go by boat should be 
condemned with this awful condemnation, to 
wit, that he should be permitted to ride upon a 



SAFED AND KETURAH 41 

railway train. For this was the condemnation 
of Judas that he went to his Own Place; so can 
no sinner ever go to any Hell save he doth carry 
his own Brimstone with him. 

There was a day when Keturah and I sat 
both of us together upon the Deck of a Ship 
and we paid the fare and we said: Tonight we 
go from Boston to Portland. 

And I spake to Keturah and said, Seest thou 
these three ships? They all leave at Six o'clock, 
and the one over against us goes to New York. 
We shall behold a Grand Sight when all three 
leave the dock together. 

And Keturah said. Where doth the one ahead 
of us go? 

And I answered, I know not. But it must 
leave in order that we may leave. For its stern 
overlappeth our bow; and because it is now nigh 
unto six o'clock the ship cannot well leave before 
that. Therefore know I that the three ships 
must leave at once. 

But I was mistaken. 

The ship whose stern did overlap our bow was 
Not Going Anywhere. The ship for New York 
did leave promptly at six o'clock and ours began 
to get ready to leave at six. But the ship that 
was Not Going Anywhere merely slacked her 
Cables and pulled ahead Six Fathoms or Some- 



42 SAFED AND KETURAH 

thing like that, and Barely let us out. And by 
the time our ship was out in the stream the New 
York Boat was Two Knots down the Harbor 
and Going Some, and we were Not In It with 
her. Our ship left the Dock in Isolation. 

Now I spake of this to Keturah, saying. The 
Church hath great enterprises which call for 
the Launching of Great Fleets in which many 
Christians sail abreast, but every now and then 
it Cometh to pass that some Sleepy Christian 
who Isn't Going Anywhere, unless it may be to 
Heaven, and who is Mighty Slow even about 
that, lieth Moored to the Dock, Fore and Aft, 
bound Bow and Stern with Cables of Tradition 
or Habit or Inertia, and not only Spreadeth not 
his own Sails, but lieth athwart the course of his 
Fellow Christians till the opportunity is Just 
Disappearing over the Horizon, and even then 
he barely maketh Grudging Room for some one 
else to make a Futile and Belated Start. When 
they fail he sayeth, I told you so. 

And I wish that the Christians who do not Go 
Anywhere would go To Heaven or Somewhere, 
and Let Other People Do Things. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 43 

SOMETHING DIFFERENT 

I walked In the Garden, I and the daughter 
of the daughter of Keturah. And the Garden 
was bright with the colors of the Spring, like 
Eden in the day when God made man. And if 
there were any Snakes there, I and the daughter 
of the daughter of Keturah beheld them not. 

And the little damsel plucked a Flower, and 
she said, Grandpa, stoop down. 

And I stooped down. And she placed the 
Flower in the Buttonhole of my Coat. 

And she said. That is because I love you. 

And we went into the house, and Keturah 
greeted us, and I would have passed into mine 
own part of the house. But the daughter of 
the daughter of Keturah constrained me. And 
she said. Grandma, don't you see the Difference? 

And Keturah said, I see that thy Grandsire 
hath a flower which he had not when he went 
out into the Garden. 

And the little maiden said, I put it there. 

And she knew in her heart that she had 
wrought a good deed, and that she had bright- 
ened the day. 

And I looked at the Flower, and I said, I also 
see the Difference. A man with a flower in his 
Buttonhole hath something to live up to. 



44 SAFED AND KETURAH 

The dear Lord Christ said unto his disciples, 
Consider the Lilies; and the lilies were not the 
only flowers that He loved. And who knoweth 
that He desired his disciples to consider them 
only when they were in the Field, and not when 
they were in the Buttonhole? Even the king 
is served by the Field, and the Field is for the 
Buttonhole and for the residue of human 
need. 

Now I considered the Flower which the little 
girl had given me, and I meditated on the words 
which she had spoken unto Keturah. And I 
tried to be particularly good unto Keturah that 
day, and I asked of her, saying. Dost thou not 
see the Difference? 

And I sought out an high place where I could 
speak unto the sons of men, and I said unto 
them. 

Oh, ye men, yea, and ye women also. Hearken 
unto me, and consider the Difference. If thou 
shalt place in thy Buttonhole one Flower, and 
wear it until it fadeth, thou shalt by so much 
brighten the day for many people before the 
blossom falleth. And if thou shalt do for thy 
fellow man one kind deed that sendeth him away 
with a little joy in his heart, thou shalt brighten 
for him many days, even so many as those in 
which he remembereth thy kindness. In time 



SAFED AND KETURAH 45 

when men are depressed by the High Cost of 
Living and the Difficulties of the Freight 
Situation and the Fear of Panic; and in times 
when Pestilence walketh abroad, and every man 
talketh to his neighbor about the Flu or some 
other Disease of men's bodies or minds, wear 
thou a Flower in thy Buttonhole, and a Smile 
on thy Face and a Song in thy Heart. So shall 
no evil befall thee, nor any plague come nigh 
thy dwelling, and thou shalt be one of God's 
messengers unto others. For men will notice 
the Difference. 

And if so be that the Flower is placed there 
by any little maiden like unto the daughter of 
the daughter of Keturah, then shalt thou also 
notice a Difference. For she maketh a Very 
Important Difference. 

THE MOVING VEHICLES 

I rode in a Railway Train, and it was late at a 
Junction where I changed Cars. And a man 
rode with me and changed at the same place. 
And we got out of one train and into another 
and were quick about it. And he said unto me, 
For a man of thine age, thou leavest and board- 
est a train with agility. 

And he asked. What is thine Occupation? 



46 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I answered and said, I am employed in 
jumping on and off Moving Vehicles, such as 
Cabs and Taxis and Automobiles and such like. 

And he said, In what Race dost thou perform 
these Stunts? 

And I said, The Human Race. 

And he said, Thou speakest in Riddles. 

And I said. There are two processions that 
never stop, and they go in opposite ways, and I 
ride in them both. And I jump constantly 
from one to the other. For I ride behind the 
Hearse and have no time to change my clothes 
or my mind before I ride to the Wedding. And 
the sounds of the Dirge mingle ever in mine ears 
with those of the Wedding March. And the 
rattling of the rice on the windows of the car- 
riage is echoed by the sound of the dust falling 
upon the coffin in the grave. 

And he said, I cannot understand how a man 
can stand it. I should think it would drive thee 
crazy. But perchance it cometh not so hard 
when a man getteth used to it? 

And I said, Friend, I never shall get used to 
it. There lieth some part of my heart in every 
grave where I have stood and committed dust 
to dust. The joy of the bride and the hope of the 
bridegroom are as mine own joy and hope. 

And he said. Thine must be a sadly mixed 



SAFED AND KETURAH 47 

life. I envy thee not thy job. Yea, I have 
thought mine own job an hard one, but thou 
canst give me cards and spades. 

And I said, O my friend, there again thou 
art mistaken. For my work is one of joy. 
When I go unto the house of mourning, there do 
I go with a message of comfort and hope. And 
when I meet the bride and the groom before the 
Altar of God and bless them ere they go forth 
to the establishment of a new home, then do I 
add to their joy. And when they come again 
and meet me there and bring with them a little 
child, of whose like is the Kingdom of God, 
then again is their joy the more perfect by reason 
of that which I say and do in the name of the 
Lord. 

And he said, Nevertheless, I shall remember 
hereafter that the business of being a prophet of 
the Lord calleth for more agility than I had 
supposed. 

And I said, There may be no harm in that. 

PERHAPS 

I spake unto Keturah, saying, I must hie me 
unto the shop of the Barber. 

Now the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
was there, and she spake unto me, saying, 



48 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Grandpa, the Barber giveth unto every one 
that hath his hair cut a Stick of Gum. Wilt 
thou bring the Gum unto me? 

And I answered and said unto her, 
Alas, my little maiden, it cannot be. Youth 
hath many privileges which belong not unto 
those advanced in years, and among them is the 
privilege of receiving Gum from the Barber. 
If there come unto the shop of the Barber a 
nice little girl, and she sitteth very quietly in 
his chair while he bobbeth her hair just below 
her ears, unto her doth he give a Stick of Gum. 
And peradventure there come unto his shop a 
Small Boy, and he maketh no fuss, but remain- 
eth quietly in the chair, and goeth forth smiling 
ke Mr. Zip-zip-zip, with his hair cut just as 
short as mine, unto him also doth the Barber 
give a Stick of Gum. But unto aged men like 
unto thy Grandpa doth he give no Gum, yea, 
though they be never so good. Rejoice in thy 
youth, and congratulate thyself that thou hast 
entered into the Kingdom of Heaven as a little 
child. For youth there is balm in Gilead, but 
for Grandpa there is no Gum in Goodness. 

And she said, Grandpa, across the street from 
the shop of the Barber is a Drug Store. And in 
the Drug Store there is Gum. Howbeit, they 
give thee not one stick but five, and thou 



SAP ED AND KETURAH 49 

shalt give unto the man in the white coat a 
Nickel. 

And I said, Between one stick which the Bar- 
ber giveth free and five sticks which the man with 
the white coat in the Drug Store giveth for a nick- 
el, is a measurable difference in good hard Cash. 

And she waited a moment, and she said, 
Grandpa, wilt thou bring me the Gum? 

And I said. Perhaps. 

And she considered, and she asked, saying, 
Grandpa, what is the meaning of " Perhaps "? 

And I said, the word Perhaps is a word of 
widely different connotations. For sometimes it 
meaneth, Not if I can think of some good reason 
for not doing it. And again it meaneth, It 
shall never be done. And once, a very long 
time ago, when I asked something of thy Grand- 
ma, and she said, Perhaps, that was a meaning 
still different. 

And she said, Grandpa, what doth Perhaps 
mean when a little girl asketh her Grandpa for 
Gum and she asketh him very nicely and sayeth 
Please? 

And I said. It meaneth that she shall have 
the Gum. 

And she got it. 

Now Keturah heard all this, and she said 
nothing, but I sawhersmiling as though the 



50 SAFED AND KETURAH 

little maiden were learning some things which 
her grandmother knew a long time ago. 

And I said unto Keturah, I wonder if I could 
write a Parable about the different meanings of 
a word? 

And Keturah said, Perhaps. 

THE COURAGE OF THE CAPTAIN 

It came to pass many years ago, that I jour- 
neyed, and I rode upon a Steamboat upon the 
Great River, even the Mississippi. And there 
occurred a fight upon the lower deck of the boat, 
and one man stabbed another man in the 
neck, so that he bled much. And he would have 
stabbed him again and killed him, save that the 
Captain descended from the Hurricane Deck, 
and whether he descended by the Stairs or by a 
Parachute, or whether he Leaped Down, no one 
could remember. And the Captain came be- 
tween the men as they fought, and took away the 
knife from the man who had it, and brought it 
unto me with the blood still wet upon it, and 
said, Here is a Pretty Little Souvenir of life 
upon the River. 

And I have that knife unto this day. 

Now on that boat they told me much about 
the Captain, how that he feared God, but 



SAFED AND KETURAH 51 

neither man nor devil; and how that he was 
Boss of the Boat from the Boiler Room to 
the Pilot House, and that no man dared bat 
an eye until he first had permission from 
the Old Man. For upon the Mississippi the 
name of the Captain of all boats is the Old 
Man. 

And the Captain took me into his own room 
hard by the Pilot House, and behold, it was a 
Young Arsenal. For he had a Magazine Rifle, 
and a Pair of Revolvers, and some more Revolv- 
ers, and a Knife. And men spake softly when 
they passed that room, for few of them had seen 
the inside of it, and they had heard terrible 
things about the number of men whom the Cap- 
tain had slaughtered and eaten before breakfast 
when they Got Gay on his boat. 

But all men held the Old Man in honor, 
neither was there a man on the boat but would 
have fought for him, save that the Old Man 
bade every man stand back and not get hurt 
while he attended to matters. 

And when the Captain fought, he carried 
with him no Gun nor Knife nor Stick, but his 
Bare Hands only. And in his room were Dirks 
and Guns and Brass Knuckles that he had taken 
away from men who fought. 

Now after many years I met the Captain, and 



52 SAFED AND KETURAH 

he had retired from thefRiver. And we sat and 
talked long together. 

And I said, I have seen many brave men, but 
I incline to the Opinion that thou art a Little 
Bit the bravest piece of sheer manhood I have 
ever known. 

And the Captain said, Deceive not thyself. 
I am a man of Great Timidity. Therefore did I 
always make it a point to get into the Fight 
Right Away; and when I got in, then, of course, 
even a coward doth know that he must see it 
through. But had I waited to consider, then 
should I never have fought; for I am Very 
Timid. But it was my Duty to keep Order on 
my Boat, and when I dealt with Gamblers and 
Cutthroats and with drunken Roustabouts, then 
did I know exactly what I was Up Against, and 
acted accordingly. 

And I asked him. How many men hast thou 
killed and eaten? 

And he said. It is my daily comfort and for it 
I devoutly thank my God, that I never inflicted 
any permanent injury on any fellow man. 

And I said, How often didst thou get hurt? 

And he said, I was on the River from the time 
I was eight years old until I was three score and 
ten, and I never got a scratch. 

And I said, I still think thee a most brave man. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 53 

But he answered, Nay, it was lucky for me 
that men knew not how much of a Coward I 
was, and that I never had time to think. For 
being a Timid Man, I got into the fight at the 
start. 

And I said. Blessed are the peacemakers who 
get into the fight at the start, and save lives and 
do brave deeds and keep the boat in order and 
neither hurt nor get hurt. 

And he said. It may be so. But I was 
always a Timid Man. 

But I still think him the Bravest Man I have 
known. 

RISING ABOVE THE CLOUDS 

I rode upon a Railway Train; and we were 
in the Rocky Mountains. And we awoke in 
the morning, and the Train was climbing, with 
two Engines pulling us, and one pushing behind. 
And we were nigh unto Twelve Furlongs above 
the Sea. 

And it came to pass as we ascended, that there 
were clouds below us, and Clouds upon the sides 
of Mountains, but there were no Clouds above 
us, but the clear shining of the Morning Sun. 

And there came unto me a small Girl and her 
younger Brother, who were riding upon the 



54 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Train, and we talked about the Clouds. For so 
did John Ruskin, and Aristophanes, and the 
little lad was very happy, and he said, 

I have never been above the Clouds before. 

And his sister was Worldly-wise. And she 
said, A Cloud ain't nothing but just fog. 

And he said, Nay, but this is more. And 
behold now, how then is a Cloud just under us, 
and we ride upon the top of it? 

And she said. We are on the Rails, just as we 
always have been; and there can't nobody ride 
on a Cloud. 

And the boy said, Jesus can ride upon a 
Cloud; for I saw a Picture of Him. 

And the little girl said. Yes, but that ain't 
us. 

Now the little girl may have been right; but 
I thought within myself that this world hath 
too many people who look out on Life through 
her windows. For they see no sunlit Clouds, 
but only Fog; and they have little faith in 
rising above Clouds, but have confidence only 
in the Rails. 

And I do not despise Rails, nor advise people 
to discard them and ride upon Clouds. Never- 
theless, I have seen people rise above Clouds, 
and live in the sunlight of God. And I have 
known others who, whenever it is said unto them, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 55 

Thus have other men done, or thus did the 
good Lord Jesus, make reply. Yes, but that ain't 
us. 

And if it is spoken concerning the House of 
God, Thus did the Synagogue in Jonesville, and 
thus was it done by the Church in Smithville, 
they answer. Yes, but that ain't us. 

And if it be said, Thou shouldest be a better 
man; for other men have risen above thy 
Clouds and thine Infirmities, they say. Yes, 
but that ain't us. 

And when it is said, Thus hath the grace of 
God abounded in other lives, they say. Yes, but 
that ain't us. 

But if it ain't, why ain't it? 

For this cause did God dwell in human flesh 
that men should never count any good thing 
impossible that they behold in the dear Lord 
Jesus. 

For he is our peace, who hath broken down all 
middle walls, that men should no longer say, 
But that ain't us. 

THE OYSTER SHELL 

I have a friend who hath a Summer Cottage 
by the Seaside. And he said unto me, Come and 
spend a day with me and I will give thee the 



56 SAFED AND KBTURAH 

Time of thy Sweet Young Life. And I spent 
the day, and he did all that he said he would do, 
and among the things that he did to me was a 
Shore Dinner. And we ate Clam Chowder and 
Fried Mackerel, and Stewed Cod and Baked 
Bluefish, and Lobster Salad. Likewise did we 
eat Stewed Clams and Oysters on the Half 
Shell. And I gave thanks to God who made me 
to suck of the Abundance of the Seas and of 
treasures hid in the Sands. 

Now while we were eating the Oysters I was 
thinking, and I said. He was a Brave Man who 
ate the first Oyster. And as I spake I bit upon 
something hard. And behold it was a pearl, 
albeit not a very good one. 

And we spake of the Pearl, and how it cometh 
of an Hurt to the Oyster, that is made by a 
Grain of Sand, that getteth into the Shell, and 
the Oyster cannot get it out; and how it 
Woundeth him sore, so that there cometh from 
the Oyster a very Precious juice that congealeth 
where the Sand doth irritate, and maketh a 
pearl. 

And my friend saith, It is a pity that Pearl 
thou hast found is not a good one; for then 
couldest thou have sold it and gotten thee gain. 

And I answered, Though I sell it not, yet have 
I gotten gain therefrom. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 57 

And he said, Tell me how. 

And I said, The oyster is not in all respects the 
highest type of a Christian; yet in this hath he 
something to teach even to Christian men, so 
that there is no man but may learn from him 
and be wiser. 

And he said, It may be so, but all this is news 
to me. 

And I said, Oh, my friend, the race of mankind 
liveth. Each man in his own Oyster Shell, and 
no man knoweth fully what hurt another man 
hideth. But there is no shell that shutteth out 
the irritating Sands of Grief and Circumstance, 
and few men meet the cutting, wounding intru- 
sions of life so well as doth the Oyster. I have 
been young and am now old, and I have seen 
men in all manner of misfortune, and have seen 
them meet life's adversities in every possible 
manner. There may not be much that a Chris- 
tian can learn from an Oyster, but the Good God 
so made the world as that even the Oyster may 
speak to men who now are crushed by their 
sorrows and say to them, Heal thy hurt with a 
Pearl. 



58 SAFED AND KETURAH 

THE GRAVITY TROLLEY 

I journeyed unto a distant State, even to 
California, and I rode upon a Trolley that ran 
Six Miles back from the Railway Station into 
the hills. And I observed that all the way as 
we Ascended, the Motorman consumed Electric 
Current, but when we Descended, then did he 
shut off the Juice, and controlled our speed by 
means of the Brake, with an Emergency Brake 
at hand, and I spake unto certain of those with 
whom I rode, of the Trolley, and of how the 
Road-bed was all Up-Hill one way, and all 
Down-Hill the other way; and how they used 
two different kinds of Power, even Electricity 
and Gravitation, and each of them in one 
direction only. 

And one of them spake unto me, saying. Thus 
it was intended when this Road was Surveyed, 
and before they had Electric Power; for in that 
day did they haul the cars Up-Hill with Mules; 
and there was a Platform upon the Rear of the 
Car, and the Mules Ascended the Platform and 
rode down. And they told me how the Mules 
soon learned the trick, so that as soon as they 
were unhitched they hastened to the rear of the 
car and climbed up. 

And others told me many things about those 



SAFED AND KETURAH 59 

Mules; and a certain Woman procured for me a 
Picture of the Car with the Passengers riding 
Inside and the Mules riding Outside, and the 
Mules enjoying it as much as the Passengers. 
And it pleased me much. 

Now it came to pass in time that the Electric 
Current Emancipated the Mules, and the 
Owners of the Trolley sold the Mules. And 
farmers bought them at a good price, for the 
Mules were fat and strong. But it was a Bad 
Buy for the farmers. 

For those Mules would pull the Plow Up-Hill 
to the end of the Furrow, and then turn around 
and seek to climb up on the reat end of the Plow 
in order that they might ride down! And when 
they found no Platform, then were they 
Troubled in their Mind and much Bewildered. 
Neither was it Possible ever to teach them to 
pull any load Down-Hill. 

Now I know many people with whom this 
System worketh the other way, and who are very 
willing to be hitched up to a job that runneth 
down hill by Gravity or the labor of others, but 
who insist upon riding or being Unhitched when 
the Trolley hitteth the up-grade. For the work 
of the Lord hath its Up-Hill and its Down-Hill 
aspects, and if there be any Platforms provided 
for those who would ride, thou shalt find them 



6o SAFED AND KETURAH 

already occupied by kindred souls who have 
beaten them to it. 

THE FROG AND THE HORNET 

There came to me a man who said, 

I have many unpleasant experiences. 

And I said unto him, Thou art not the Only 
Pebble on the Beach. 

And he said, But mine are such as I cannot 
speak of, and they Humiliate me. For my 
occupation is such that I am beholden to those 
who Exasperate me, yet must I say nothing, 
and it is not easy to Grin and Bear it. 

And I said unto him, I walked one day through 
the Forest, and I came upon a Little Pool. 
And in the margin of the Pool was there a Frog. 
And he sat as Immovable as the Sphinx sitteth 
amid the sands; so sat he in the mud. 

And as I regarded him, there came an Hornet, 
and lighted a little space away from him, as it 
were an half or two parts of a Cubit. And the 
Frog gave no sign that he saw the Hornet or 
me, but sat in the mud immovable. But when 
the Hornet let down his wings and began to sip 
of the water that was in the mud, then did the 
Frog leap. And it was a marvelous leap, for 
he seemed to make No Preparation for it, neither 



SAFED AND KETURAH 6i 

to pull himself together or to take thought of 
the distance, but rose as if he had been shot from 
a Gun, and landed so that his mouth came 
exactly where the Hornet was. And the Frog 
Gobbled the Hornet before the Hornet realized 
that Anything Had Occurred. 

Now when I saw that, I said. That was a 
Mighty Good Jump, and accurately measured, 
but that Frog hath procured for himself a Prize 
Package the nature whereof he knoweth not. 
And I looked that the Hornet should have bored 
him full of Gimlet Holes from the inside out. 
And I said. Surely that Frog will immediately 
display all the Characteristic Symptoms of 
Appendicitis. 

But if it gave him Stomach Ache he showed it 
not, but settled himself in the same old place, and 
waited as if he were the more content for having 
had a pinch of Mustard with his Meat. 

And I said unto the man. Be like unto that 
Frog. And if thou must swallow a Sting with 
thy Daily Bread, do it so Contentedly that no 
man shall know that thou hast colic. But 
if the time cometh to leap, then do thou leap so 
that thou shalt swallow not only the Sting but 
the Stinger. 

And he said. Shall I wait till I may avenge 
myself? 



62 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I said, There are more kinds of revenge 
than one. And most of them hurt the Avenger 
more than the Avenged; so that I commend 
them not. Consider the Divers Kinds, and 
be ready for that which is best, and if thou forget 
all thought of revenge, so much the better. 
Meantime, let not the sting interfere with thy 
Digestion nor thy Prayer. 

THE BAROMETER 

There was a day when I went down to the 
Sea in Ships, and made a Voyage on Great 
Waters. And when I returned to my Home, I 
brought a Barometer, which Sailors call a 
Glass. And Keturah esteemeth it not, and 
declareth that it telleth what the Weather was 
Yesterday. But I think Highly of it. 

Now there came to me a man who had been a 
Sinner, and he had Repented. But at times 
his Temptations beset him so that he Fell. 
And he wept much as he told me of his sins. 

And I said. How often didst thou Get Drunk 
in the old days? 

And he answered. Just once, and it Lasted 
Over Continually. 

And I said. When thou didst first repent, how 
frequently didst thou fall? 



SAFED AND KETURAH 63 

And he said, About once in a Month. 

And I said, How long is it now Between 
Falls? 

And he said. Sometimes Three Months, and 
Sometimes Six. I gain a Little, but it is Very 
Slow. And the longer it is between Falls, the 
more I Despise Myself that I should fall at all. 

And I asked him, What dost thou think of the 
Weather? 

And he was astonished at my question, but he 
answered, and said. It is a Rainy Day. 

And I said. This is a fine Barometer. What 
doth it say? 

And he saith, The Finger pointeth to Rain. 

And I tapped lightly on the Glass and the 
finger moved upward a Very Little. 

And I said. Before tomorrow Night it will be 
Fair. 

And he said, How can that be when the 
Barometer saith Rain? 

And I said. There was an old Sailor man who 
swore to me by the gods of the sea, even Nep- 
tune and Davy Jones, saying, A Barometer is an 
Everlasting Liar if thou readest only the words 
around the Dial. For it is Not a Question of 
Where it Pointeth only, but Which Way it 
Moveth. 

And I said, My friend, thy Soul's Barometer 



64 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Moveth Upward. Trust God, keep up thy 
Courage and thou shalt Surely Conquer. 

And as he went his way, Lo, the clouds 
parted, and there appeared a Little Patch of 
Blue Sky. 

THE PRIVATE CAR 

There is a certain man whose abiding place 
is a city where is a great Railway Station, even 
a Terminal, and this man determined within 
himself that he would go upon a Journey. 
So he walked unto the Terminal, and he bought 
a Ticket, and he paid the Fare. And he pre- 
sented the Ticket at a Gate where stood a 
Watchman and the Watchman punched his 
Ticket and spake unto him saying. Thy train 
is all ready on Track Number Six. 

And he beheld the Cars, and they were filling 
up rapidly. And he said, Behold, they will all 
be crowded, and I shall suffer Discomfort. 

And he beheld the last Car, which was nearest 
unto the Gate, and behold, there was no one in 
it. And he said, 

This will I do. I will go into that Car, and I 
shall have Abundant Room. 

So he went within, and he had all the Room he 
Wanted, even the Whole Car. And he smiled 



SAFED AND KETURAH 65 

within himself when he thought of the other 
Passengers who were Jammed into the other 
Cars. 

And while he was Hugging Himself for Joy, 
and considering what a smart Guy he was, 
behold, the train pulled out, and left him and his 
Private Car standing upon the track. 

And he rushed out and spake angrily unto the 
Watchman, and he said. Wherefore am I left 
behind? 

And the Watchman said, That is an Extra 
Car which we keep on the track to use in case 
there be a greater crowd than we expect, but 
today there was no great crowd. Yea, and 
there had been room enough for thee in one of 
the cars that went, but thou didst want more 
room, and thou hast all the room in sight. Yea, 
and upon the Side Track out in the yard are 
many empty cars. Thou canst take thy seat in 
any one of them. But if thou desirest to ride 
unto the City for which thy Ticket readeth, 
behold there will be another train in four hours 
and fifteen minutes; and take heed that thou 
enter the cars that go. 

Now, this I beheld, for I was in the Station, 
even the Terminal, and I saw that man, yea, and 
I heard that man: and what I heard was a 
plenty. 



66 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I considered that often I am caught in 
the Jam of Hfe, with people crowding and push- 
ing, and it were much more comfortable to find 
a quiet seat in some Rear Car, where the wicked 
cease from troubling and the weary are at rest. 
But I considered how that if a man is to get any- 
where he must go with Folks, even though they 
crowd, and that no one man can do very much 
without the companionship and help of other 
men. Therefore did I resolve to keep out of the 
Private Cars that do not go nor get a man any- 
where but learn the art of going and working 
with other men. For I have seen that for the 
lack of the ability to do this, some men are left 
on the track in their own Private Car, while the 
enterprises of life move on. 

REFORMERS 

There came unto me a Reformer, and desired 
me to join his Organization for the Elimination 
of Superfluous Buttons from the Back of the 
Coats of Men. And he solicited my Contribu- 
tion. And he did not persuade me to part with 
any of my Hard Earned Cash. And he read 
unto me Statisticks concerning the number of 
men who had been Held Up by Robbers catch- 
ing hold of the Buttons as they were fleeing, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 67 

and of the men who were caught in Machinery 
and pulled in by the Buttons. And he had 
computed that if the cost of the Buttons were 
saved, it would provide Chewing-gum and Nose- 
powder for Nine Million Stenographers for a 
Thousand Years. 

And I said, There are More Important Evils 
for me to fight. 

And he said, How darest thou say that any 
Evil is unimportant? 

And I said, I know not what Evils God 
esteemeth small, or whether He esteemeth any 
Evil to be Unimportant. But I know that no 
one man can fight all the evils in the world at 
one time, save within his own soul ; and that the 
officer who marcheth his men against Impregna- 
ble Breastworks is Court- Martialed and Shot; 
and he who fireth a Big Bertha to kill a Mosquito 
is cashiered. Therefore will I fight the evils 
which I can probably overcome, and which are 
great enough to deserve my Limited Effort. 

And he said. Thou art an Apologist for Sin. 

And I said. Thou liest. Nevertheless, hear a 
Parable. There is a certain City where the 
Police went on strike. And that was not so 
Appalling as the fact that Thousands of men 
who had appeared Lawful broke out forthwith 
in Lawlessness. And after certain days of 



68 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Window-smashing and Looting and Violence, 
when Order began to be restored, there came 
unto the Chief Captain of the PoHce a Com- 
mittee of certain good men who said, Behold, 
there are a Thousand Games of Craps running 
Wide-open on the Common, and only Six 
Policemen, and they heed it not. Now send 
more Policemen, and stop them. 

And the Chief Captain called his Sergeant, 
and he said. Pull off them Six Cops, and send 
them to Scollay Square; and see if thou canst 
start a few Crap-games in Harvard Yard or 
around Bunker Hill Monument. 

And he said unto the Committee, Those 
Thousand Crap Games look Awful Good to me. 
They mean that there are about Four Thousand 
men there who might otherwise be Raising 
Rough House in Scollay Square; and they are 
taking the Long Green from one another 
instead of Sticking-up law-abiding citizens. 
Unto every man whom I find Shooting Craps 
will I give Absent Treatment. 

And the Reformer said, Evil is always Evil 
and should always be opposed. 

And I said, The Crap-shooting on the Com- 
mon was a Temporary Mustard Plaster to draw 
Congestion from Inflamed Spots. 

And the Reformer said, I verily believe that 



SAFED AND KETURAH 69 

thou art thyself a wearer of Buttons upon the 
Back of thy Coat. Turn thee around that I 
may see and rebuke thee. 

And I said, Thou shalt not see my back, but 1 
will Mighty Soon see thine. 

And I opened the Front Door and he departed. 

And this I did, not that I would call any Evil 
Small, but that even good men and Reformers 
are entitled to a moderate sense of proportion. 

THE MAN WHO SAW NEW YORK 

A certain man went to New York, and he 
bought him an Excess Fare Ticket, and he 
boarded the Twentieth Century Limited, and 
he felt very important because he was getting off 
one portion of the surface of the earth and upon 
another somewhat more swiftly than did his 
grandfather when he traversed the same road in 
the other direction three score years and ten 
before. For his grandfather drave an ox-cart 
westward and saved money, and he drave the 
Twentieth Century eastward and flung money 
out of the car window. And in that fashion do 
men of this generation rise to a position of 
superiority above their grandfathers. 

And he came into the city of Little Old New 
York. And he entered a great Inn hard by the 



70 SAFED AND KETURAH 

station, so that he entered it by the Subway, and 
he went not upon the street. 

And when the morning came he entered the 
Subway again, and ran down to Wall Street. 
And the building where he did business had its 
own Subway Entrance, so that his feet pressed 
not the soil of New York. 

And he descended again into the Subway and 
returned unto Forty-second Street, for he had an 
errand in Times Square, and he followed the 
Green Line to the Shuttle Train, and did his 
business in Times Square, and he followed the 
Black Line back to the Shuttle Train and he 
returned unto Forty-second Street. And a 
friend invited him to lunch at the Yale Club, and 
he entered that from the Subway. And he took 
an Uptown Express and went many miles, 
and he poked his head out of the Subway long 
enough to see Grant's Tomb. Then he looked 
at his watch and hastened back into the Subway 
and returned to the Inn, and paid his bill, 
which was Some Bill, and he grabbed his bag 
and hustled into the Subway and followed the 
Green Line to the Shuttle Train, and got off at 
Times Square and took the Downtown Express 
to the Pennsylvania Station and entered it 
from the Subway, and returned unto his home. 

And he said unto his friends, I have seen Little 



SAFED AND KETURAH 71 

Old New York; and behold, it is an Hole in the 
Ground. 

But New York hath an Elevated as well as a 
Subway, and he knew it not. And it hath cars 
that travel on the surface as well as those that 
go above and below it; and busses that go up 
Fifth Avenue, and Rubberneck wagons with a 
man with a megaphone. And it hath Churches 
and Libraries and Art Galleries, and he had seen 
only the Subway. 

And many a man goeth into a strange city 
and hunteth out its underground life, and saith, 
It is a wicked, wicked city. But the city was 
not wicked save only that wicked men acted 
wickedly in it. 

And, beloved, there be those who travel 
through life in the Subway : neither do they even 
suspect how large is God's world above ground, 
nor how nobly a man may live who keepeth 
himself upon an higher level. 

And I considered these things, and I said in 
mine heart that I will live the life of one who 
useth this world at its best, and who discovereth 
in it more than that which may be discovered 
by the life of the Subway. 



y2 SAFED AND KETURAH 

THE COCOANUT CAKES 

I was not always aged, but was once young. 
And I sojourned in a School of the Prophets. 
And on the day before the Sabbath I rode every 
week Nineteen Miles that on the Sabbath Day I 
might speak the word of God to the people in a 
Little White Synagogue with a Tall Steeple. 
And on the day after the Sabbath I rode back 
again. And there were times when the Roads 
were bad, so that for every foot that my horse 
went forward, he sank in the mud unto the depth 
of an half of a foot; so 1 went down through 
Nine Miles and the half of a Mile of mud before 
I got there. But when I arrived then did the 
good people welcome me into warm homes and 
clean beds and set before me hot suppers. 

For I boarded around among them. 

And at the first place where I abode for a 
Sabbath, the good woman set before me Cocoa- 
nut Cake. And I ate plentifully thereof. 

Now the women of the other homes inquired 
of her, saying. How didst thou like the Young 
Minister? And is he hard to entertain? And 
doth he cause thee much trouble? And is he 
fussy? And what doth he like to eat? 

And she said. He is not fussy, and he keepeth 
out of the kitchen, and when he hath a book he 



SAFED AND KETURAH 73 

doth not bother the hostess with Theology; 
and he said unto me that Cocoanut Cake is his 
Favorite Cake. 

Now all the women told all the other women, 
saying, The Young Minister loveth Cocoanut 
Cake. 

And they all knew how to make Cocoanut 
Cake, and they all made it. And wherever I 
went, there did they set before me Cocoanut 
Cake. 

Now thou wilt surely think within thine heart 
that I got so much Cocoanut Cake that I 
abhorred it, and that I have never liked it 
since. But thou hast another Think coming. 
For thou knowest not what sort of Cocoanut 
Cake the women of that Parish make. Yea, 
for three years did I eat it with scarce ever a 
break in the record, save that there also they 
make Cake with Maple Sugar Frosting. And he 
that hath eaten that kind of Cake knoweth that 
that is about the best ever. 

For there be some things of which no man can 
ever have too much. And when mine heart 
goeth back across the years, then do I remember 
the long rides, and the times that I drave up in 
the dark and the cold, and how they stabled 
mine horse knee-deep in clean straw, and put a 
sack of oat-i under the buggy-seat when I 



74 SAFED AND KETURAH 

departed, and maybe also a Bushel of Potatoes 
or a Sack of Apples or a Can of Maple Syrup. 
And I know that I shall never have too much of 
any of the good things which they bestowed upon 
me, nor of the love that was in them all. 

And now and then as the years go by, and one 
and another of those I loved is called unto his 
long home, then do they send for me to come and 
say a word of love before the dust returneth unto 
dust. And ever there is some good woman who 
hath a table set for me in her home; and there 
do I always find Cocoanut Cake. 

And whenever I eat of Cocoanut Cake that is 
Unusually Nice, then do I remember the friends 
of my early Ministry as a Messenger of God, and 
I love them yet. 

THE VIOL THAT WAS ALMOST IN 
TUNE 

Whether a man that is Regenerate hath all 
parts of him equally Regenerate, hath been 
discussed by grave men in councils of old time. 
And I have sometimes inquired of my soul 
whether there lingered in me any element of the 
unregenerate that had gotten as far down as my 
Toes. And this question I ask myself when I 
listen to Musick other than that of the Sanctu- 



SAFED AND KETURAH 75 



ary, even to the Viol, which the profane call the 
Fiddle, when it is Played Skillfully. For when 
it playeth of an Ancient man named Daniel 
whose surname was Tucker, or discourseth upon 
the wonders of creation in Pop goeth the Weasel, 
or relateth the adventures of the Pilgrim in 
Arkansaw, then do I notice that my Sandals rise 
a little space from the Floor and come down 
again. 

Now I was in the home of a friend whose 
Daughter had taken lessons upon the Viol, and 
she essayed to play for me. And she sawed long 
upon her Instrument to get it worse out of tune 
than it was already, and she said, I have not a 
very Good ear for the Tuning, but I can play 
the melody well. 

And she played me a Polonaise in A Flat. 
And the Polonaise I comprehended not, but the 
A Flat I was fully conscious of. And I noticed 
that she had the Technique Down Fine. For 
she first folded a Silk Handerchief and placed it 
against her Neck where the Viol Rested, and 
the Handkerchief was well chosen for the 
Harmony of its Color with her Dress, and 
needed it at that place. Likewise did she 
Vibrate her finger upon the String as her teacher 
had Instructed her. And she drew her Bow with 
the precision of a Director of Calisthenics. 



ye SAFED AND KETURAH 

But her A string was Flat, and her E string was 
Sharp, and her other strings were both of them 
Just a Little Bit Off. 

And her father listened with Pride, for he had 
paid Three Hundred Dollars for the Instrument, 
and more than that for the Teacher, and his 
daughter had learned to Render Great Composi- 
tions, even Polonaises in A Flat and such like 
Music, and she had acquired Technique, and 
the proper method of folding her Silk Handker- 
chief. But she had not the Kingdom of God 
within her so that she should know when all 
four of her Strings were a Little Bit off. 

Now I would rather that my daughter and 
my sons should play for me Musick which is 
Less Ambitious, and play it upon Well Tuned 
Instruments, even the Money Musk, and the 
Irish Washerwoman and the Turkey in the 
Straw, than to render for my Edification Polo- 
naises in A Flat wherein I get more of the Flat- 
ness than of the Polonaise. 

For a Simple thing that is rendered Artisti- 
cally is effective when an Ambitious thing poorly 
done is the more conspicuously a Failure. And 
there be many things well played as to technique 
whereof the strings are a Little Bit Off. 



SAFED AND KETURAH yy 

THE ROADRUNNER 

I and Keturah we went unto a far land, even 
unto California, and we sojourned there certain 
days. And our friends in that place were kind 
unto us, neither did we set foot upon the ground 
if they could prevent it; for they took us in 
their gas-driven Chariots, and showed unto us a 
Good Time. 

And as we rode along a great Highway, we 
beheld a Bird, that is tall and graceful, that 
runneth along the road or beside it, and that 
seldom flieth. And they called that Bird the 
Roadrunner. 

And they told me this story about that Bird, 
and I know not if it be true or false ; save that I 
think no one in California would speak falsely 
about anything, save it might be to indulge 
in a Veiy Mild Exaggeration concerning the 
Climate. And this is the story which they told 
unto me: 

The Roadrunner hath an inveterate enemy 
in the Rattlesnake; and he avoideth not the 
Snake by flying, as do other birds, but he 
runneth along the ground, where the Snake doth 
sometimes get him. Now a Rattlesnake enjoy- 
eth a good sound sleep upon the sunny top of a 
Rock, or in some other warm place. And when 



78 SAFED AND KETURAH 

a Roadrunner seeth a Rattlesnake asleep, he 
hasteneth and calleth all the other Roadrunners. 
And they come, and every one beareth in his 
beak a pad which he plucketh from the Cactus 
that groweth where the Snakes and the Road- 
runners most do congregate. And they draw 
nigh quietly, and lay their Cactus Ringwise 
round the Serpent. Then do they go away and 
get Some More Cactus. And when they have 
laid that, then do they go away again, and Get 
Some More, and Then Some. And the Serpent 
sleepeth and heareth them not. 

And when they have him Walled In, then do 
they waken him. And he rouseth himself from 
his slumbers, and behold, there is a Roadrunner 
nigh unto him. And he coileth himself and 
striketh at the Roadrunner, but pricketh him- 
self upon the Cactus. Then doth a Roadrunner 
approach him fiom the other side, and he doeth 
likewise. And it cometh to pass in time that the 
Serpent becometh Crazy, and striketh at ran- 
dom, and every time he woundeth himself in a 
new place. And when the Roadrunners see 
that he hath gone Clean Nutty, then do they 
leap over him, and draw nigh unto him, and 
even pick at him with their bills; and when he 
striketh back, behold he landeth every time 
against the Cactus Thorns. Thus doth he 



SAFED AND KETURAH 79 

Sting Himself To Death, and the Roadrunners 
hold a Merry Wake above him. 

Now I have seen men who were Hemmed In 
after this fashion, so that what a certain poet 
hath called the Fell Clutch of Circumstance 
doth hold them in its grip, and Tantalize them 
so that they Sting Themselves to Death in their 
Frantick Efforts to break through. And mine 
heart grieveth for them. 

And unto every one of them would I speak, 
saying. Oh, my brother, I know not how to 
break a way for thee through the Thorny Hedge 
that doth encompass thee; but this I know, it is 
not Good Sense nor yet Religion that thou 
shouldest Impale Thyself upon the Thorns. 
Whatever thou doest, go not Daffy over it, 
for then shalt thou work thine own destruction. 
Consider first of all, that there is one direction 
where the path is not closed, and that is Up. 
Calm thine own spirit, and look unto God; so 
shalt thou face with whatever good sense thou 
hast, and it is not much, and whatever grace a 
Mighty God can give unto thee, and that may 
be Considerable, the situation which thou art 
Up Against. And fret not thyself because of the 
Roadrunners. Keep thou still, and let them 
do the Worrying. And if thou lose not the 
little Sense thou hast, and employ the abun- 



8o SAFED AND KETURAH 

dant grace which God shall give unto thee, 
there will yet appear somewhere a little Crevice 
among the Cactus; and albeit thou be 
Pricked in getting out, still it will not kill 
thee. And thou shalt yet outlive the Road- 
runners. 

Wherefore, possess thy soul in patience; 
trust in thy God, and when thou findest a Hole 
in the Cactus, though it prick thee, Go To It, 
and Go Through. 

THE GUEST-ROOM TOWELS 

There came to me a man who said. The 
trouble with thee, and with the Church, and with 
all who labor with thee, is that thy Methods are 
Old. We are living in a New Age, and the Old 
Methods are Inadequate. 

And I answered. Thou speakest truly, and 
perhaps wisely. 

And he said. How is it that if what I say is 
Certainly True it is only Possibly Wise? 

And I answered him. Because there are no 
kinds of unwisdom so great as those that are 
founded on Truth that is 111 Considered. What 
New Methods dost thou advocate? 

And he Got Busy with a Line of Talk about 
his New Methods, that never had been tried 



SAFED AND KETURAH 8i 

anywhere, and which were certain of but one 
thing, that they never would work. 

And he said, How dost thou like my New 
Methods? 

And I said unto him, 

I went to a certain city, and lodged with a 
friend who sent me to my bed in the Guest 
Chamber. And it was a Comfortable Chamber, 
and his wife had made it ready for my coming. 
And among the other Preparations, she had 
hung the towel-rack full of New Linen Towels, 
which she had purchased by the Dozen, and 
there were Six of them in my Room. And they 
were Very Nice Towels, and well worth the 
Price that she paid, for Linen was Going Up. 
But when I essayed to wipe my face upon them, 
than I could not do it. For those Towels were 
every one of them as Stiff and as Shiny as a 
Sheet of Tin, and likewise as Impervious to 
Water. So I mussed them up, one of them and 
yet another and another till I had polished my 
face with the Metalic Surface of all six of them. 

And I said unto him. There must needs be 
New Methods, and I would not be last in the 
use of any of them that are good. Neither 
do I care to be the first to dry my face upon a 
New Towel. Let him that is ambitious for 
New Experiments try it before me, and after it 



82 SAFED AND KETURAH 

hath gone to the Laundry and come back, less 
Shiny but more Serviceable, then will I try it. 
It is enough for me that I must wear my own 
New Boots. 

THE PENS 

I have a friend who is a maker of Gold Pens. 
And he said unto me, What dost thou know 
about Pens? 

And I said, I live hard by a Pen, though not 
in one ; for I am a Writer. 

And he said. Come with me, and I will show 
thee how a Pen is made. 

So we entered the Factory, and came into a 
room where was a Crucible. And a man took 
Fine Gold and weighed it and cast it into the 
Crucible; and Copper took he also. And out of 
the Crucible came forth an Ingot. 

And another man took the Ingot and weighed 
it, and rolled it into a Sheet. And another man 
took the Sheet and weighed it, and cut it into 
Strips. And another man took the Strips and 
weighed them, and out of every one of them cut 
he Pens an hundred and forty and four. 

And another man took the Pens and curved 
the sides thereof. And another man cut out of 
every several Pen an Hole that was shaped like 



SAFED AND KETURAH 83 

an heart. And another man cut in every Pen a 
Slit. 

And every man counted the Pens that were 
given him, insomuch that if one Pen had been 
lost, or so much as a grain of gold missing, it 
would have been known who had taken it. 

Then did certain damsels take the Pens, and 
they burnished them and polished them, so 
that every Pen received of the labor of an 
hundred men and two score maidens. 

And the garments that they wore are burned 
once in the space of three months, and from the 
ashes they save more than enough gold to buy 
new garments. And when they wash their 
hands the water runneth into a great Vat and 
settleth, so that in every month they take from 
the bottom of the vat gold to the value of three 
hundred shekels. 

Now I had watched the making of one Pen 
from the time it came forth in the Ingot till it 
was completed. And my friend took that Pen, 
and caused it to be set in an holder, and gave it 
to me. And he said. Keep it, for it is thine. 

And I bowed low and thanked him. 

And he filled the holder with ink. 

And I spake unto him, and said, Behold, thou 
hast showed me a wonderful thing, and I have 
learned much. But I will show thee a thing 



84 SAFED AND KETURAH 

yet more wonderful. For I am filling this Pen 
not with ink only, but with memory and crea- 
tive power. I will cause this Pen to tell the 
story of its own creation, so that men who live 
a thousand miles away shall see what I have 
seen this day. 

And he said, Thine is the more wonderful art: 
for the making of a Pen is not so wonderful as 
the use thereof. 

So I took the Pen, and I wrote this parable 
therewith. And I remembered the gold that 
did not become Pens, but became dust of gold in 
the garments, and that flowed down the pipe 
into the Vat. And I prayed to my God, and 
said, O my God, who willeth not that any of the 
children of men should perish, if the washings 
of men's hands yield not filth only but gold to 
the value of three hundred shekels in a month, 
what canst thou do with the souls of men, in the 
day when hearts are tried as gold is tried in the 
furnace? 

And I know not the answer to my prayer, 
but my hope is in God. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 85 

CONSISTENCY 

There came to me a man who said, Safed, 
thou speakest many wise words, but thou art 
not always consistent. 

And I said unto him, If I were always con- 
sistent, then should I never be wise. 

And he said. Thou utterest dark sayings. 

Then said I unto him. There are no completely 
consistent men aside from those in the Cradle 
and in the Asylum for Imbeciles. The only 
consistent man is the Completely Ignorant 
Man. There once lived a Philosopher named 
Immanuel, whose surname was Kant, who 
showed unto men that any line of thought 
consistently followed doth bump up against the 
Impossible. Man doth begin life in complete 
Consistency, which is to say, that he beginneth 
it in complete Ignorance. But there cometh a 
day when he learneth a Truth, namely, that his 
Toe is capable of being brought up into his 
Mouth; and that Truth maketh his Ignorance 
Lopsided. 

And he said unto me, I had not thought of 
that; but it cometh to pass in time that he can 
no longer get his Toe into his Mouth. 

And I answered. So happeneth it with much 
of what we apprehend as Truth ; by the time we 



86 SAFED AND KETURAH 

learn it, the thing is no longer possible nor yet 
desirable; nevertheless, the Truth hath been 
worth the learning, and it hath its logical rela- 
tion to other Inconsistencies, which are properly 
apprehended as Truth. 

And he said unto me. Say on. 

And I said, The circumference of men's 
Ignorance is vast, and every new Truth dis- 
covered is the Lengthened Radius whereby to 
measure the Diameter and Area of a Vaster 
Ignorance and a Greater Inconsistency. Yet 
hath it a Value. For each new Truth becometh 
an Interrogation Point, which reacheth out 
like a Fish Hook after the mouth of Leviathan. 
And albeit neither thou nor Job the servant of 
God can draw him out, yet doth the Interroga- 
tion Point Hook now and then a Sculpin of 
Information or an Hornpout of Knowledge, or 
some slippery Eel of Truth, which maketh our 
Ignorance Lopsided. 

Furthermore, I said unto him, Men do walk, 
not by any process of Bisymmetrical Progressive 
Motion, but by Hitching one side Ahead, and 
then Pulling the other side up and a Little 
Ahead, and by throwing the Center of Gravity 
out of Plumb and catching themselves before 
they fall, so that in falling forward but never 
striking, and wabbling ahead with first one foot 



SAFED AND KETURAH 87 

and then the other, we contrive an approach to 
Consistency through Inconsistency. And the 
process of the Advancement of Human Knowl- 
edge, yea and of Human Goodness, is more or 
less Like Unto it. 

And he said, I have learned enough for one 
day. 

And I said. Go now and learn something on 
the other side of thine Ignorance that will help 
to balance up. For a False Balance is an 
Abomination unto the Lord, and the best thing 
about Inconsistency is that it doth challenge us 
to learn another Truth. 

PROFANITY 

They laid a water-pipe in the road at the 
place where I and Keturah go in Summer; and 
the soil was stubborn and rocky. And when the 
men came for to dig, I took a Spade and digged 
for a little time in the trench with them. Like- 
wise did I with the Pick and the Crowbar. 

And the men said. Thou canst do work such 
as we do save it be only in one thing. For if we 
strike more Rock than we expect, or if the water 
flow into our trench, or if perad venture it cave 
in so that we have to dig it out again, canst thou 
do thy part of the Swearing? 



88 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I answered and said, I will do it all. 

And they said, It is liable to be a Large 
Contract. 

And I said, Even so, I will assume it. All the 
Swearing that this job requireth, leave it to me. 

And when the ditch caved in, or the water 
stood in the trench so that they had to pump it 
out, or they struck rock and had to blast, then 
did they say one to another. Swear not: for 
that is Safed's job. 

And thus it came to pass that no Swearing 
was necessary, but only Muscle and Pumps and 
some Dynamite. 

Now I considered how many people there be 
who swear by the use of Profane words, or by 
the Slamming of Doors, or by Scolding, and I 
thought that it would be well if there might be 
appointed an Official Swearer for all such like 
occasions, and that he should consider the mat- 
ter carefully before Swearing or Scolding and 
see if some other way would answer just as 
well. For if the digger strike rock, and must 
use Dynamite as well as swear, he might as 
well use Dynamite instead of Swearing. And 
if Kindness will do the work instead of 
Scolding, then is the Scolding wasted or maybe 
worse. 

Therefore am I open to Employment wherever 



SAFED AND KETURAH 89 

there is need, to take the responsibility of all 
the Swearing and all the Scolding that shall be 
required, and if it be left to me, there will not 
be much of either. 

For one should neither Swear nor Scold if 
there be any other way to accomplish the result 
desired; nor unless it is sure that Swearing or 
Scolding will do good. 

For there is a lot of wasted Swearing and 
Scolding: and to scold is to swear. 

THE EVIL AND GOOD OF GOSSIP 

Once upon a time there were Two Fools. 
And one of those Fools was a man and the other 
was a woman. And that is a Bad Combination. 

And there came unto them one of their friends, 
and spake unto them, saying, 

Behold, people are talking about you; and 
what they say is Unpleasant. Have a care, 
therefore, lest what they say become More 
Unpleasant. 

And when the Two Fools heard this, they 
spake one to another, and said, 

We should worry about what People Say. 
For we have done nothing amiss, and we shall 
do nothing amiss. And they who speak evil of 
us seek only the evil that is in their own hearts. 



90 SAFED AND KETURAH 

They are Idle Gossips. Let them talk. We will 
give them something to Talk About. 

Then these Two Fools proceeded to give the 
Gossips something to Talk About. And they 
succeeded beyond their Fondest Hopes. 

And the more people talked, the more Defiant 
these Two Fools became. 

And when they had gotten themselves into a 
Pretty Bad Mess of Publick Scandal, then did 
the Woman Fool come unto Keturah, and the 
Man Fool came unto me. 

And we had what might be called a Foursome. 

And the Woman Fool wept much; and the 
Man Fool swore. 

And I said unto them, Ye are Two Fools with 
less than a Single Thought; two Nuts, and both 
of you Cracked. 

And they said. Behold, we have done no 
wrong. Let the evil be unto those who evil think. 

And I said. Nay; the evil is also unto those 
who cause others to think evil. 

And the man said. When a man knoweth that 
he hath done nothing wrong, then may he stand 
in his Conscious Rectitude and face the Lying, 
Foul-mouthed world. 

And I said. Save thine eloquence. For a 
righteous cause a man may face the world, but 
not for the sake of indulging his own Folly. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 91 

And Keturah spake unto the Woman Fool, 
and said, My dear, this world is prone to judge 
that things mean what they seem to mean. 
Thou must not do the things that seem evil and 
expect the world to reckon it unto thee for good. 
If we are taught not to let our good be evil 
spoken of, much more must we not let our folly 
appear as if it had been evil. 

And the Woman Fool said, I think that Gossip 
is the Vilest Thing in the World. 

And I said, Gossip is indeed an unlovely 
thing. But it hath its Value to a Community. 

And the man said. Thou speakest falsely. 
It hath no Value. 

And I said, If it were not for the fear of Gossip, 
and the Wholesome Dread of what people would 
say, then would Fools such as ye are behave even 
worse than they now do; and that is a Plenty. 

And I said. There are Fools that may be 
brayed in a Mortar with a Pestle and their 
folly will not depart from them. That Mortar is 
Public Sentiment, and that Pestle is Gossip. 
The braying is a Painful Process, but for you it 
may be Profitable. 

Now it came to pass that those Two Fools 
were not quite Hopeless Fools. And they did as 
I and Keturah told them to do. And by this 
time their Folly is well-nigh forgotten. 



92 SAFED AND KETURAH 

THE KIND OF PEOPLE IN OUR TOWN 

There were two men who came newly into the 
City wherein I dwell. And it came to pass that 
they came both of them to visit me on the day 
of their arrival. For the one of them desired 
that he might borrow a Screwdriver: and the 
other besought me that he might use my Tele- 
phone to call up the Gas Company and the 
Electrick Light Company and the Butcher and 
the Baker and the Candlestick Maker. 

And they inquired of me, both of them, saying. 
What Kind of People live in this Town, and of 
what Sort of Folk are my neighbors? 
And of each of them I asked, saying. 
What Kind of neighbors didst thou leave 
behind thee; and of what Sort were the Folk 
in the Old Home Town? 

And the first of them answered and said. 
The Town I come from is an One Horse Town : 
and the Folk are a set of Four-Flushers; and they 
spend more money than they earn ; and they are 
Unneighborly and Unpleasant ; and they have so 
many Scandals that we kept ourselves apart like 
Lot in Sodom; because our righteous souls were 
vexed within us; and we shook off the dust of our 
feet and fled from that Burg and we looked not 
back. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 93 

And I said unto him, Thou wilt find this 
Town very much the same. 

And while he yet Spake, the other came; and 
he asked of me the same question. And I 
likewise inquired of him concerning the Folk in 
his Old Home Town. 

And he said, 

They were fine Folk; and good neighbors; 
and it gave us pain to leave them; but Business 
called us here, and we had to leave our dear old 
friends. 

And I said, 

It is the same in this Town; and thou wilt 
find the People just as fine and good. 

And the first man heard, and he was horrified; 
And he said. 

Verily, thou art an old Liar; for thou didst 
tell me the folk of this Town were a Bunch of 
Grafters, and a Gang of Thugs. 

And I said unto them both. 

Listen unto me, and consider what I say. 
For I have told you both the truth. There are 
in Every Town two sorts of Folk. There are 
as many kinds of Folk in this town as there be 
in Oshkosh or Kalamazoo or Medicine Hat or 
Benares or Hong Kong. Thou canst find either 
sort. 

But what I said is still more true; for each 



94 SAFED AND KETURAH 

man is likely to find the town of the same sort 
as himself. May the Lord deliver me from 
having as a Neighbor a man who cometh from a 
Town of which he speaketh ill. For then should 
the word of the Prophet be fulfilled, saying, 

And I will shew no mercy, saith the Lord,, but 
will deliver every man into the hand of his 
neighbor. 

And I said unto them both, 

If thou wouldest live in a good Town, be good 
thyself. So shall thine own Town be partly 
good, and thou shalt be the good in it, and help 
to make it better. It is a dirty bird that doth 
befoul its own nest, and a mighty poor Citizen 
who doth knock his own Town. 

THE ETHIOPIAN MAIDEN AND THE 
ALARM CLOCK 

Now in the Synagogue where I minister is 
there a good man with a Conscience like that of 
a Gadfly, and the Misdirected Zeal of a Flea, 
insomuch that he is always Stirring Things up. 

And it is his wont to rise in the congregation 
when it is assembled for Prayer and for Waiting 
upon the Lord, with oftentimes more Waiting 
than Prayer, to say. 

This Church should Rouse itself and waken to 



SAFED AND KETURAH 95 

its Opportunity. We should be Active. We 
should not continually live at This Poor Dying 
Rate. 

And all that he saith is Very True, and Very 
Irritating and Very Ineffective. 

For those whom he thus addresseth are those 
of the Saving Remnant who already are aroused, 
or who have Slumbered in Prayer Meeting since 
the World Began, and can continue to ride in 
their Spiritual Pullman until it reacheth the 
Grand Terminal of Heaven, and they will never 
do any one any Harm. 

But all the activity of this Good Brother is 
Geared to no Productive Machinery. It Cut- 
teth No Ice. 

Now there came a time when his Wordy 
Exhortation got upon my Nerve. And I spake 
unto him, saying, If thou desirest the Church to 
Rouse, then Rouse thou thyself, and be silent, 
but Saw Wood. For there were better things for 
thee to do than to Run thy Vocabulary in High 
Gear and never slip thy Clutch into anything 
that will make thine own wheels go around. 
For thou hast been right where thou art, in the 
middle of the Road, honking thy horn to others 
to Speed Up ever since I have known thee. 
Yea, and every little Christian in the Church 
doth get somewhere in his little Ford Car, save 



96 SAFED AND KETURAH 

thou only. And thou occupiest Valuable Road- 
space, and usest the whole power of thy Six 
Cylinder Lungs in Honking up other Christians 
who need it not. 

And he was amazed, and he answered me 
nothing. 

And I spake unto him this parable, saying, 

Thou art like unto an Alarm Clock which 
Keturah bought, and presented it unto the Ethi- 
opian Maiden who wrought in her Kitchen, that 
she might Rise and Cook the Breakfast while 
we slept. For that Alarm Clock did assuredly 
wake at an unearthly hour every morning every 
soul in the house save only the Ethiopian Maiden. 

And after I had thus spoken, it was as long 
as Six Weeks before this Good Brother did 
again speak in the meeting for Prayer and for 
Waiting upon the Lord. 

THE CONTENTED CONDUCTOR 

The Conductor who took up my Ticket had 
upon his arm many Golden Stripes. And I 
said unto him, I perceive that thou hast been 
long upon the Road. 

And he said. Forty and two years have I been 
a Passenger Conductor, and before that I ran 
a Freight, and before that I was a Brakeman. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 97 

And I said, Thou dost not look it. 

And he said, If I still have Vigor for a man of 
mine age it is because I have learned two things. 
The first is to think first what is best and 
endeavor to attain it. The next is to be con- 
tent with what I get. For how shall a man do 
otherwise and profess to trust his God? 

Now, in about two hours the rear Truck of the 
Tender of the Locomotive jumped the track. 
And the Train was going fast, so that before it 
stopped it ran for more than its length, and the 
deep cuts of the Derailed Truck showed in the 
Ties behind the Train. And it was lucky that 
we were not Piled in an Heap. 

And I walked forward to the Locomotive and 
stood beside the Conductor as he directed the 
Train Crew. And he gave them few orders, 
but when he spake they got busy and did as 
he said. 

And I inquired of him, saying. Is thy Philos- 
ophy working well? 

And he answered. Sure thing. We have 
everything to be thankful for. No one is 
hurt. The Truck is uninjured. The day is 
fine for outdoor work. And I have a Train 
Crew that can coax a recalcitrant Truck back 
on the track like Mary's Little Lamb. 

And even as he spake, the Flanges returned 



98 SAFED AND KETURAH 

to the Rails, and the Whistle blew for the Flag- 
man, and the Conductor said. All Aboard. 

Then did the Conductor come back and speak 
unto me, saying, 

Thou art a Scholar. I am a Roughneck. 
But if I had thine Ability and thy Pulpit, then 
would I stand and speak unto men and women, 
saying. 

Hearken unto me, and take good heed. 
Thine Imagination can depict no Heaven fairer 
than this Good Old World might be if ye would 
only take it at its best, and Trust God, and stop 
worrying. For which is worse, to be an Atheist 
and believe in no God, or to profess to believe in 
God and then distrust his care? Surely if 
there be any sin against the Holy Ghost is it not 
this, to profess to believe in the Guidance of 
God, and then to worry as if the Devil Owned 
the Planet and was keeping it for Home Con- 
sumption? 

And I said unto him, Though thou call thyself 
a Roughneck, yet dost thou preach a Mighty 
Practical Gospel. 

And he said. Yea, and I live it. Therefore 
have I on mine arm these many stripes, and in 
mine heart the song of youth and the joy of 
life. And it costeth very little, and the wealth 
of rubies is not to be compared unto it. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 99 

Now the Train had lost but Forty Minutes, 
which is not much more than it sometimes 
taketh to replace a Punctured Tire. But the 
Train sped on its way, and we pulled in On Time. 

And I bowed before him as I left the Train, 
and shook his hand. And he said, A quiet 
mind tendeth to a level head. Therefore do 
we the more quickly get back upon the Rails, 
with good courage, and good steam pressure, and 
here we are. 

And there we were, even as he said. 

THE STRAWBERRY SUNDAE 

I went unto the Shop where they sell Books; 
for I desired to buy a Book. And the daughter 
of the daughter of Keturah went with me. 
And we rode together on the Trolley Cars, 
and we had a good time. 

And when we came to the place where they 
sell Books, then did I show her a Picture Book 
while I looked over the New Books. And I 
bought one or two. 

And when we departed, she said unto me, 
Grandpa, wilt thou buy for me an Ice Cream 
Cone? 

And I said, I will surely do so; and if thou 
shalt say. Please, then will I do even better. 



loo SAFED AND KETURAH 

And she said, Please. 

And we came unto a place where they sell 
Sweets, and we went within. 

And I said, Shall I buy for thee a Sundae? 

And she said, I have never eaten a Sundae, 
but I should like it very much. 

And I said. What flavor wilt thou have? 

And she said, I desire Chocolate. 

So I bought for her a Chocolate Sundae, but 
as for myself, I bought Strawberry. For I 
think the Strawberry is the next to the best 
Berry that the Lord ever made (the best being 
the Red Raspberry, which I like much). 

So the little maiden ate her Chocolate Sundae, 
and liked it exceeding well. But she liked the 
Ripe, Rich, Red, Juicy Color of my Strawberry. 
So that she looked over now and then and almost 
wished that she had not ordered Chocolate. 
And when I saw that she was Interested, I ate 
slowly, so that when she had finished, I had only 
begun. And that was Rather Hard upon the 
little maiden. 

Now, when she had finished, she clasped her 
little hands together, and she leaned her little 
round elbows on the table, and she rested her 
chin on her little clasped hands, and she looked 
over at my dish, and she said: 

It looks so nice that I will not ask for any. 



SAFED AND KETURAH loi 

Now, when I heard that, I did smile. For I 
thought it the very prettiest way of asking for a 
thing I had ever heard. 

And I thought of the people whose only way 
of asking God for things is to tease him, and say, 
Give me this, and be quick about it for Christ's 
sake. 

For I wonder how any man doth dare to say 
for Christ's sake when he is asking something 
for his own sake, and whether it doth not sound 
unto the angels like swearing. 

For of all the sins which good Christian men 
commit, it seemeth to me that among the gravest 
may be the undisguised selfishness of their 
prayers. 

And I wondered how to teach Christian men 
and women to ask for things as prettily as the 
daughter of the daughter of Keturah asked for 
the Strawberry Sundae. 

For I might just mention in closing that she 
got all the Strawberry Sundae she desired when 
she asked for it in that way. 

THE TRAFFIC COP AND THE BLIND MAN 

I walked in the streets of a City, which was 
for greatness like unto Nineveh or Babylon. 
And I came unto a place where two ways met. 



I02 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And the traffic was something fierce. And 
there stood in the middle of the street that ran 
north and south, and also in the middle of the 
street that ran east and west, a Guardian of 
the Public Welfare. And he was great of girth, 
and tall like Goliath of Gath. And he wore a 
Blue Coat with Brass Buttons. And on his 
hands were White Gloves, symbolic of the purity 
of the Municipal Government. 

And he blew an Whistle one time. And all 
the east and west traffic stopped, and it piled 
up on both sides of the street as the Waters of the 
Red Sea rose up when Moses, the servant of 
God, stretched forth his hand upon them. But 
all the north and south traffic moved on. 

Then did he blow his Whistle twice. And all 
the east and west traffic flowed through, while 
the north and south traffic stood in an heap like 
the waters of Jordan in the days of Joshua, the 
son of Nun. And the people who were going 
east and west went over dry-shod and in safety. 

And presently all traffic stopped both ways, 
for the Whistle blew not, but the Traffic-Cop 
raised his right hand. And all the Teamsters 
and the Chauffeurs and the Mahouts and even 
some of the Women Shoppers stood and obeyed 
his Gesture. 

And the Traffic-Cop left his place in the 



SAFED AND KETURAH 103 

middle of the Intersection of the Two Streets, 
and walked across the Street unto the Curb. 
And I looked, and behold, a Blind Man. And 
he was standing upon the Curb, and he was 
Confused. 

And the Policeman took him by the arm, and 
led him over. Neither did he say unto him. 
Step lively, please. But he led the Blind Man 
to the Opposite Curb, and made a way for him 
among the Women Shoppers, so that they stood 
back and let him through. 

Then did the Traffic-Cop return unto his 
place, and blow his Whistle, and the tides of 
Commerce and of Humanity flowed on. 

And there was not a Chauffeur who saw it who 
swore at the Cop, neither was there any who 
beheld it who reproved him. For they had been 
iinpatient of every other delay, but they will- 
ingly waited while he led a Blind Man to safety. 

And I thought of the Immutable Decrees of 
God, and of the Laws whereby he doth govern 
the Universe, how they are as right as the One 
Whistle for the north and south traffic and the 
Two Whistles for the east and west traffic. 
But I had a suspicion, which in me is a mighty 
faith, that without violating any of his Immuta- 
ble Laws, the Great God can somehow care for 
his own. Yea, I have lived long, and I have 



I04 SAFED AND KETURAH 

sometimes seen the evidence that God leadeth 
the blind by a way that he knoweth not, but in 
a right way, and a way that is better than he 
could choose for himself. 

For the Apostle Paul hath said that the Police- 
man is a Minister of God, and I know not why 
one should not learn from him a sermon. 

THE SCREENS AND THE SHOES 

In a certain Island in the Great Ocean, and 
if thou shalt inquire of me the name thereof I 
will not tell it unto thee; the inhabitants 
aforetime were Cannibals and Heathen. And 
there came a Missionary and taught them that 
they should worship the Living and True God, 
and they turned from their idols of wood and of 
stone. And afterward came a Merchantman; 
for wheresoever the Gospel doth go, there do men 
buy Spades and Spelling Books and Plows and 
Pianos and Pills. And he took his pay in Copra, 
and in the Oil of the Cocoanut and in Pearls. 

And he found among the Natives a good 
market for nearly all of his stock save only for 
his Shoes. For the people of that Island had 
ever gone Barefoot, and they liked it not a 
Little Bit that they should be compelled to 
Cultivate Corns for which they had no need. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 105 

And they said, Behold, we were born barefoot, 
and so were our fathers. 

But the Missionary builded a new House for 
the Worship of God, and it had a floor of Wood. 
And when he walked, then did his Shoes squeak. 
Likewise did the Shoes of the Missionary's Wife. 

And the next day did the Chief of that Island 
and the Chief of his Wives come unto the 
Merchantman, and say, Sell unto us Shoes, 
and give us those that Squeak, and behold, here 
are Two Goodly Pearls. 

And they picked out Shoes that squeaked much. 

Then did that Merchant try on all his Shoes 
and readjust the Prices on the basis of Sound 
Business Psychology. For those Shoes that 
squeaked little did he mark up a little, but those 
that squeaked much, of those did he multiply 
the price. 

Now the people wore Shoes only on the Sab- 
bath, for the Shoes did not squeak in the Sand. 
Howbeit, in the Sanctuary, there did they squeak 
much, and Front Seats were at a Premium. 

And the Merchantman sent a Letter by a 
Passing Steamer, and he ordered Many More 
Shoes. 

But suddenly the Inhabitants ceased to buy 
Shoes. And the Merchantman knew not the 
reason. Therefore did he go to the Sanctuary 



io6 SAFED AND KETURAH 

upon the Sabbath. And he beheld how the 
people came with their Shoes under their arm, 
and put them on at the door of the Sanctuary, 
and wore them down the Aisle, and then re- 
moved them and passed them out of the Window 
for others to wear as they entered the House of 
God. For the Cooperative Idea had hit that 
Island, and it was nigh unto ruining business. 
For not only were there many Shoes on the way, 
but the Export Trade in Copra and Pearls and 
Cocoanut Oil did depend upon having something 
to sell that the people wanted. 

So the merchantman considered. And shortly 
before the Ship was expected that was to bring 
his Shoes, he said unto the Missionary, Behold, 
the Windows of the House of God must be open 
to the winds, because the Climate is hot; but it 
is not seemly that they should admit Flies and 
Mosquitoes. Behold, I have long contem- 
plated making a Gift to the Sanctuary; I will 
fit it out with Fly Screens. 

And the Missionary was glad, and the Mer- 
chantman did even as he said, and he made the 
Wire Screens Very Tight, so that no Mosquito 
could get through, and how much less a Shoe. 

Therefore did the Shoe Business revive on 
that Island, and it continueth good even unto 
this day. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 107 

This Parable might be used to teach that it 
doth ever reward a man to be generous toward 
the Sanctuary and to do those things that 
please the Preacher. But that is not the lesson, 
beloved. 

Behold, the human mind is Queer, and men 
who seek the Truth, seek it for diverse reasons. 
There are those who desire Truth in the in- 
ward parts, and who buy the Truth for its own 
sake and sell it not. But others think they love 
the Truth who love the sound of Fine Phrases, 
and the use of words that feel good in the mouth. 
These are they that buy not the Shoe but the 
Squeak. And they are many. But be not 
thou like unto them; but rather let thy feet 
be shod with righteousness, and with the 
preparation of the Gospel of peace. 

THINGS NOT TO BE FORGOTTEN 

I rode upon a Railway Train, Somewhere in 
Kansas, and the Train stopped Thirty Minutes 
for Lunch. And at one end of the Station was 
there a little Park, with two great Sun Dials, 
whereof one showed Central Time and the 
other showed Mountain Time. And the Park 
was attractive, and had Cost the Railway Some 
Coin, and the result was worth it. 



io8 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Now there stood in the little Park, hard by 
the Train, a strong White Post, as it were two 
cubits in height. And there was framed in the 
top of the post an old-time Drawbar, with a 
Coupling-Pin and a Link. And upon the Post 
was painted in Black Letters this Superscription, 
Lest We Forget. 

And I said unto myself. It may be that this 
is the town where the man lived who first 
invented the Safety Coupler. 

And I entered the Station, and I inquired of 
the Young Man who was Clerk of the Station 
Hotel. And I asked of him, saying, 

Wherefore is that Post with the old Drawbar 
erected in this Town rather than in another? 

And he said. Where is it at? For I have 
never seen it. 

And I inquired of another, and he said, 

Thou mayest search me; for I have never 
noticed it. 

And I inquired of the Station Agent, and 
he said, 

I once knew, but, behold, I have forgotten. 

Then did the Conductor say, All Aboard, and 
I got on board. 

And I considered the days of my boyhood, 
when I played about the Cars, and I Knew 
Railway men; and many of them had lost 



SAFED AND KETURAH 109 

fingers that were crushed in coupling cars; and 
many lost their hands, and others lost their 
lives. 

And I said, Behold, there was a man who 
considered all these things, and sat up nights, 
and peradventure pawned his Shirt that he 
might invent a method of avoiding all this. 
And here is_his memorial, marked, Lest We 
Forget; andi^some men^pass it every day and 
never see it; and others once knew its meaning 
but they have forgotten. 

And I looked out of the car window, and I 
beheld a Church, and upon the Church was a 
Spire, and upon the Spire was a Cross. 

And I thought of the multitudes who con- 
tinually pass it by, and I was grieved in mine 
heart; for I said. Among them are those who 
say, I have never seen it ; and others say, I have 
seen it, but what it meaneth, behold, I know 
not. And others say, Behold, I once knew, but 
I have forgotten. 

THE CAR WHEELS 

A certain man labored in the Division Termi- 
nal of a great Railway. And it was so that 
when a Train entered the Station, that there 
they changed Engines, and Train-crews. And 



no SAFED AND KETURAH 

certain men put Ice in the Coolers, and Water 
in the Tanks. And there were times when 
certain others swabbed the Windows so that 
they might be seen through; but this did not 
always occur. And the duty which was assigned 
unto this man was this, that he should begin 
at the head of the Train, and walk the length of 
it, and stoop down and strike every Car Wheel 
with an Hammer. And he did Precisely as he 
was told. For he walked the length of every 
train, and struck every wheel on the right side 
thereof, and then turned himself about and 
walked back upon the other side of the Train 
and the wheels upon that side did he strike in 
like manner. And this he did quickly, so that he 
had it done by the time other men had put Ice 
in the Coolers and Waste and Dope in the Boxes 
of the Axles, and the Engines had been changed. 
Now it came to pass that after many years 
the General Superintendent spake unto the 
President of the Road, and he said. Behold this 
man hath been on our Pay-roll for Five and 
Twenty years, and he hath never missed a day. 
Let us Celebrate, and Recognize his Faithful- 
ness, and give him a Gold Watch, and a Pass 
for himself and his Wife unto California and 
back, and a little purse of Gold which he may 
blow in on a good time. 



SAFED AND KETURAH iii 

And they did even so. 

And while the celebration was in progress 
some one asked of him, saying, 

What is the reason why the wheels must be 
struck? And what is the occasion thereof? 

And he said. Thou mayest search me. I 
know nothing save that I draw my pay for 
hitting the wheels, and I hit them every time 
and never miss a wheel. 

But he had never listened to the ring of the 
hammer that he might hear whether the wheels 
were sound or cracked, neither had he known 
nor regarded. But he had done his job and 
drawn his pay for twenty-five years. 

Now when I heard this tale, I said. That man 
is not so infrequent as some men might suppose. 
There are many who go through life in like 
manner. They do the day's job and draw their 
pay and never think what it all is for. Yea, 
there might even be such men in the pulpit, 
but may God forbid; and there are such in 
many another vocation. 

And I prayed my God for all men, that they 
may labor, not only to strike the wheels but to 
listen for the ring. 

For there are those who strike the wheels and 
go on, and if the Train run through, they say 
it is the result of Careful Supervision, and if 



112 SAFED AND KETURAH 

the wheel crack, and the train land in the Ditch, 
they say it is a Mysterious Providence. 

And there are such men, not a few, who obtain 
their living by labor no more intelligent than 
this, and some of them less continuous. And 
some of them travel on passes and receive the 
praise of men. 

But God knoweth whether men listen for the 
ring, or whether they only hit the wheels. 

THINGS ANCIENT AND MODERN 

There came unto me a Lady who was an 
Enthusiast on Recent Things. And she spent 
her time in this, either to See or to Hear Some 
New Thing, even as did the women in Athens. 
And she inquired of me, saying, 

Hast thou read the Modern Poetry? And 
dost thou not think that it is Just Too Lovely 
for Any Use? 

And I said, I have read that which is called 
Modern Poetry. And some of it is Modern 
Poetry. And some of it is Modern but not 
Poetry; and some of it may be Poetry but it is 
not Modern; and some of it is neither Modern 
nor Poetry. As for its being Just too Lovely 
for Any Use, that is my opinion of the Major 
Part thereof; I have no Use for it. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 113 

And she inquired further, and said, Hast 
thou seen the Modern Dances? 

And I answered and said, I have covered One 
Eye and Partly Closed the Other, and I have 
seen the Modern Dances. 

And she said. Are they not Beautiful? 

And I said, I can think of Several Adjectives 
which I would sooner apply to them. 

And she said. Tastes Differ. 

And I said, Tastes differ less than thou dost 
suppose. I went once unto the Circus of the 
renowned Phineas T. Barnum. And he had 
just imported a Cannibal Family from the Ends 
of the earth. And the man and the woman and 
the little boy lay upon a Platform, and were 
stolid and Homesick. Neither cared they 
whether people looked at them or not. But 
there came that way a little white boy with a 
small Red Balloon. And the little Cannibal 
boy leaped to his feet and ran to the edge of the 
Platform, and in heathenish Gibberish but with 
very Christian Tears he pleaded for it. 

And I said. The tastes of that little Naked 
Heathen as to Red Balloons were Identical 
with those of the daughter of the daughter of 
Keturah, who hath been a Puritan for Ten 
Generations. 

And I said. When Oscar Wilde was a popular 



114 SAFED AND KETURAH 

fad, and every Dude wore a Sunflower in his 
Buttonhole, and the CiviHzed world attired 
itself in Pale Yellows and Discouraged Greens 
and Godforsaken Blues, we that were wise 
knew that it would not Last Very Long. 

And she said, We were talking, I believe, of 
the Modern Dances. 

And I said. There are three good things about 
the Modern Dances. The Position is so Objec- 
tionable, and the Dances are so Ungainly and 
the Musick is so Barbarous, that they will go 
where Oscar Wilde's color scheme hath gone. 

And she said, Thou speakest not of their 
Morals, whereof I thought that thou wouldest 
speak. 

And I said, I have been young, and I attrib- 
ute not to young folk all the bad motives which 
rise in the mind of us Old Sinners. But the 
first of the Ten Commandments of Musick is, 
Thou shalt be Rythmickal; and the second is. 
Thou shalt be Melodious; and the third is. 
Thou shalt be Harmonious. Behold, there 
shall be a day when the Cowbells and the Clap- 
pers shall go to Grass, and the Fiddle shall play 
tunes as melodious as the good old Tunes of 
the Money Musk and Sugar in the Gourd. 

And she said, But they will be Modern Tunes. 

And I said. The Chinese do bury Eggs for an 



SAFED AND KETURAH 115 

Hundred years and when they Exhume them, 
they count them the Freshest Things that ever 
Hens Laid. There are things that call them- 
selves Modern which were Ancient when Lot's 
wife gave her coming-out party for her daughters. 
But the things that are Clean, and Wholesome 
and Lovely and of Good Report, these are the 
Ancient Things, and every generation will come 
to them at length as the things most Modern. 

THE SHOESTRINGS 

I went unto the shop of the man who selleth 
Shoes. And I said unto him. Sell unto me a 
pair of Good Shoestrings. 

And he said, I will sell unto thee a pair of 
Shoestrings, but I will not promise to sell unto 
thee good ones. For the best of them are 
Mighty Poor these days, and most of them are 
Rotten. 

And I said. These Flat ones with Metal tips 
I like not. Hast thou not some better ones? 

And he said, I have some Round ones with 
Rubber tips, and they cost a Dime. 

And I bought a pair. 

Now of all the Shoestrings that ever were 
made, these were the Hardest and the most 
Slippery. And I tied them not once a day but 



ii6 SAFED AND KETURAH 

it may have been Forty Times. And they 
slipped loose so that my feet slid to the front 
end of my shoes and grew Tender and Sore. 
And every morning I said, I will wear them this 
one day, and if they grow not better with the 
using, I will throw them away. But they grew 
no better. And I tried them another day. 
And I began to walk upon the side of my foot to 
ease it where it was sore. And in so doing, I 
caught my foot on a certain day as I crossed the 
street, and stumbled and was well-nigh run 
down by a swift chariot that had no regard for 
the Speed Limit. 

And I went unto my home, and cast aside the 
round, hard strings, and I put in another pair 
that would stay tied. And I upbraided myself 
that I had endured for so long a time an evil 
that had as its only compensation of endurance 
the hope of getting value out of a pair of Shoe- 
strings that cost a Dime. 

Now it came to pass that I had occasion to use 
a Box. And I went unto the Attick and I 
found a Shoe Box, made of Pasteboard. And it 
was exactly what I wanted. And in it was 
Tissue Paper which had come wrapped about 
the Shoes. And I removed the paper, and 
behold, in the Box that I thought was empty, 
were two pairs of New Shoestrings, which I had 



SAFED AND KETURAH 117 

bought with New Shoes in the good old days 
before the War, before Shoestrings were Rotten. 
And I rejoiced as one who findeth Coin. 

Now I considered these things, and I said 
within myself, Even so do men endure Petty 
Abuses and Small Annoyances and even Greater 
Wrongs, whose aggregate of Discomfort is Great, 
and whose liability of Danger is not Incon- 
siderable, and whose hope of amendment is 
Small and whose Value is Negligible. And they 
submit to them when they ought to face them 
and remedy them. Yea, and thus do men 
continue with Faults of their own, which seem 
small, but which Irritate and do Harm out of 
proportion to all the effort that would be neces- 
sary to their amendment. Yea, and when they 
know not wherewith to amend these evils, 
behold the remedy lieth under their own roof, 
and is already bought and paid for and ready to 
their hand. 

Wherefore, search thine Attick, and bring 
forth out of it all the unused resources that may 
minister to life, and use them. For of what use 
is it that thou walk with Sore Feet when there 
is a good new pair of Pre-war Shoestrings in the 
Empty Shoe Box in thine Attick? 

And now if thou shalt behold me walking 
down the Highway, with a quick step and a 



ii8 SAFED AND KETURAH 

smiling countenance, know ye that the reason is 
that my feet are shod with the Preparation of 
the Gospel of Peace, and that I wear Shoestrings 
that do not slip. For the Lord maketh the feet 
of the righteous like unto Hinds' Feet; but of 
the sinner and the ungodly is it said, Their 
feet shall slide in due time. 

THE LOST TOOTH 

The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
came unto our habitation, and she sought the 
Cookie Box of Keturah. And thus did Ketu- 
rah's own children in their day. And thus 
have I done often. Save that I never eat one 
Cookie. I can eat none and I can eat four or 
five, but I cannot eat one of the Cookies of 
Keturah and stop. And the little maiden ate 
of the Cookies of Keturah. And I think that 
there will always be Cookies in her Cookie Box. 

Now as the damsel ate, she cried out in 
terror. 

And I wondered what had happened unto her, 
for that is not the way the Cookies of Keturah 
affect people. 

And she cried not in pain, but in terror. 
And she said, Oh, Grandpa, my tooth has come 
out! 



SAFED AND KETURAH 119 

And she held up a tiny front tooth in her Httle 
hand. 

Now the loss of a Tooth is a matter of some 
importance to me; for I fear lest the time come 
when the grinders cease because they are few. 
But I knew that for her it was not a serious 
matter. 

And I comforted her, and I said, Fear not. 
It is of no consequence. 

And she said, Oh, Grandpa, canst thou put 
it back? 

And I told her that I could not, and that I 
would not if I could. 

And she understood it not, but she was com- 
forted when she saw that I did not share her fear. 

And I said. Have no fear, my little girl. The 
teeth that God gave thee when teeth first came 
unto thee, were baby teeth, and they will leave 
thee one by one, and fall out. Trouble not 
thyself, for there shall grow others in their place 
that will be stronger and better and last longer. 

And she was comforted. 

Then I considered the losses of life, and the 
pain and the fear of them, and how they are 
even as the fear that was in the heart of the little 
maiden when she lost the Tooth. Yea, I went 
where people suffered by reason of losses which 
I could not explain so easily, and my words of 



I20 SAFED AND KETURAH 

comfort had behind them no knowledge of 
what blessing God should provide instead of the 
thing that had been taken away. 

But I remembered that it is written in the 
Word of God how God hath provided Some 
Better Thing. 

And I took the little pearly tooth from the 
hand of the little maiden, and she sat upon my 
knee and ate the residue of her Cookie, and I 
stroked her Golden Hair, and I prayed unto God 
for all those who have losses in life and who know 
not how God shall provide any better thing in 
place of them. 

For their sorrow is like unto the sorrow of the 
daughter of the daughter of Keturah, and there 
are times when my wisdom stoppeth short of 
their need. 

THE TRANSFORMED TOOTH 

The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
lost a Tooth. And she carried it about in her 
hand, and she showed it with great Pride. And 
she said. Behold the Tooth which I had, and 
which came out this morning. And behold, here 
is the place where it grew, and another shall grow 
in its place; for thus hath my Grandpa told me. 

Now she showed it unto one who said unto her, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 121 

Wrap thou the Tooth in Paper, and put it 
under thy Pillow tonight, and it will turn into a 
Dollar. 

And she came home and told her mother. 
And she said. Here is a piece of Paper, and I will 
wrap my Tooth in it; and in the morning the 
Tooth will be gone, and in its place will there 
be a Dollar. 

And her mother could not permit that the 
little maiden should break her heart or suffer 
disappointment; therefore did she not forbid it. 

And after the little maiden was asleep, then 
her mother considered what was best to be done. 

And in the morning the little damsel awoke, 
and she felt under her Pillow, and behold, there 
was no tooth there, but a Dollar. 

And she ran down the stairs, and she cried 
with a loud voice, saying. Behold, mother, what 
hath happened ; for my Tooth hath turned into 
a Dollar. 

And she took the money to the Bank and 
added to her Savings Account. 

And the little damsel considered, and she 
asked of her mother and inquired, saying, How 
many teeth have I ? 

And her mother said. Thou hast Twenty and 
Four. 

And she asked, Will they all come out? 



122 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And her mother answered, Yea, and more will 
grow in their place. 

Then began the little maiden to consider how 
that she could Support the Family with the 
Unearned Increment from her Teeth. For she 
said. Mother, I have twenty and four teeth, and 
every one of them shall turn into a Dollar. 
Consider how Rich we shall be. 

And her mother told it unto me. 

And she asked, Ought I to have told her that 
the Tooth turneth not into a Dollar, and that 
her friend lied unto her? For behold, these are 
the days of the High Cost of Living; and if I 
am in for twenty and four dollars to provide the 
means for this transformation, that is a little 
more money than I contemplated. 

And I said. Trouble not thyself. The little 
maiden will face quite soon enough the stern, 
hard facts of life. Deprive her not of her little 
happy illusions, nor seek to fetter too soon with 
the shackles of Grim Reality the precious gift 
of the Imagination. For this is the gift of God, 
and we of this age do too much clip its wings. 
Behold, here is a Dollar into which the next 
Tooth may be transformed, and when thou seest 
another Tooth working loose, come again to 
thy father. 

For the little maiden hath learned a very 



SAFED AND KETURAH 123 

precious thing, which is to make an asset of 
one's losses, and to transform the vacant 
interstices of life into opportunities of larger 
promise. I would she could teach unto all 
humanity that if it will lay its losses under its 
pillow, and go to sleep with faith in God, the 
night worketh a wonderful transformation, and 
joy Cometh in the morning. For this is my hope, 
even when I lay away not a Tooth only but 
the body of which the Tooth is a part, that the 
day shall dawn and the shadows flee away. 
For His is the image and superscription upon 
the coinage of that into which life's losses are 
convertible in the morning of the new day. 

And I shall be satisfied when I awake with 
His likeness. 

THE MINISTER AND THE SAW 

Now there came to me one of the sons of the 
Prophets, even a young minister, and he said, 
My church treateth me harshly. 

And I said. What hast thou done to thy 
Church? 

And he said, I upbraided them, and I told 
them they were Miserable Sinners. 

And I answered, Thou didst speak truthfully 
and unwisely. 



124 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And he said, Is it not wise to speak the truth? 

And I said, It is not wise to speak anything 
else; but Truth is precious, and should be used 
with Economy. 

And he said, There were Great Reforms 
that needed to be wrought in that Town, and 
a Great Work to be done, and I had hoped 
to Inspire the Church to Do Those Things. 
But they are Stiff-necked, and they seek to 
Fire me. 

And I said to him. Come with me into my 
Garden. 

And we went out into the Garden, and I took 
with me a Saw. 

And I said. Climb thou this tree, for thou art 
younger than I. 

And he climbed the Tree, and sat upon a Limb 
thereof as I showed him. 

And I said. That limb needeth to be Cut Off. 
Take thou the saw and Cut it Off. 

And he began to saw beyond him. 

And I said, Saw on the other side. 

And he began to saw, but he stopped, and he 
said, If I saw the limb between myself and the 
Tree, I shall surely fall. 

And I said unto him. The minister who push- 
eth a Reform faster than his Church will follow 
him, and findeth himself Fired, is like unto the 



SAFED AND KETURAH 125 

man who Ascendeth a Tree, and Saweth off a 
Limb between himself and the Tree. 

And I left him there, and I went into mine 
House. And he sat there Some Little Time in 
Deep Meditation. 

And he Climbed Down, and returned to his 
own Church. And he called the elders thereof 
together, and he said, I have been foolish, and 
liave sought to Bring in the Millennium Before 
Sundown. Be patient with me, and I will strive 
to be more patient with the Church. 

And they answered and said, Now thou art 
Talking like a man of Sense. Continue thou to 
chasten us for our sins, and show us how to be 
better, but expect not the Impossible, and lo, 
we will stand by thee till the Cows Come 
Home. 

And the minister whom the Church was about 
to Fire took thought, and added a Cubit to his 
Stature; and his Church Rallied about him, and 
the last I heard some of the things he wanted to 
Get Done were being done. 

And he wrote me a letter, saying, 

O Safed, thou didst have me Up a Tree, but 
behold I am down and on the Job, and if thou 
wouldst see a happy and united and hustling 
Church, where the people love their minister, and 
the minister loveth his people, and where every- 



126 SAFED AND KETURAH 

thing is up and moving, and good is being done, 
come over and see us. 

And I read the letter and rejoiced. For there 
are Ministers who have learned How to Saw, 
but neither When nor Where. And if they will 
Climb my Apple Tree I will teach them wisdom. 

THE TRANSPLANTED PINE 

Where I go in Summer, there grow trees, and 
there is an hill where men dig out Gravel. 
And there was a Young Pine Tree that grew 
upon the top of the Gravel Hill, above the Pit. 
And the earth had fallen away from beneath 
it, so that it fell down into the Pit, and it clung 
to the earth above by a Single Root. And thus 
had it hung for many weeks. 

Now my sons came home, and we rejoiced to 
see them, and they sojourned with me and 
Keturah for a few days. And one of them came 
from the Army and another came from the 
Navy, and another came from the Balloons that 
fly above the ships, for it was a time of war. 

And my four sons put on Old Clothes, and 
they inquired of me, saying. What shall we do 
that is too hard for thee? For thus do my sons 
speak unto me. 

And I said, Bring out the Wheelbarrow, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 127 

and the Spade and the Mattock, and come 
with me. 

And when they saw the Tree, they said. Shall 
we transplant it? But surely it will not live? 

But they said, Let us give unto the Boss no 
Back-talk. If our father desireth any old thing, 
that will we do. 

And I said. Boys, I think that we may waste 
our labor; nevertheless, I desire to give unto 
the tree a chance for its life. 

So we found a place for it, and we digged an 
hole, and we digged out the one root that held 
the tree. And we placed the root thereof on the 
Wheelbarrow, and we planted it. 

And it was in August. And certain of the 
neighbors said. Hast thou not Pine Trees 
enough? Behold, thy woods are full of them. 
And this one will surely die. 

Now we went away, and in a year we came 
again. For the war ended, and my sons 
returned, for which I thank my God daily. 

And behold, the Pine Tree died not, but grew. 
And though it had but one root in the ground 
when we took it up, and the time was Summer, 
yet did it live; yea, and it still liveth. And 
its height is twelve cubits, and its thickness is 
the thickness of the arm of a man. 

And I stood beside the Pine, and I spake 



128 SAFED AND KETURAH 

unto it, saying, Thou mayest well thank me and 
thy Lucky Stars, and my Four Sons that thou 
didst not perish in the Horrible Pit and the 
Sliding Gravel. 

And the Pine Tree said unto me, I owe unto 
thee my life, but I did not ask thee for it, and I 
know not yet whether I shall thank thee. But 
if thou desirest me to grow, then do thou make it 
possible for me to grow. Let not my root be 
smothered with growing Brush, nor permit the 
Scrub Oak to shut me out from the Blue Sky 
and the Blessed Sun. 

And I considered that Life is not enough; for 
there should be also something that shall make 
Life worth living and Growth and Joy possible. 

And I prayed unto my God on behalf of all 
men whose lives are shut in so that they have 
little place for their root nor much opportunity 
of seeing the blessed Sun. For what the Pine 
needeth do they need. 

THE VALUE OF THINGS DESPISED 

Now There is an Handmaiden of the Lord 
whom I know and Honor, and she had an 
Accident, so that her Arm was Bound Up in a 
Sling. And I went to see her that I might 
Comfort her in her Affliction. 



SAFED AND KETURAH i2g 

And I found her very Cheerful, for such is her 
Wont. 

And I asked her what ailed her Arm, and she 
answered that she thought it was a Sprain, but 
that the Physician had given it a name such as 
Physicians give unto the ills of people who can 
afford it. And he told her that it would be well 
in a Fortnight or Thereabout, but meantime to 
be Careful, and look well to her Diet, and have a 
Specialist examine her Tonsils, and have an 
X-Ray made of her Teeth. For such is the 
habit of Physicians. 

And I said, I am glad that it will soon be well. 
Meantime, be thou thankful that it is thy Left 
Hand. 

And she answered and said, O Safed, art thou 
a Wise man, and hast thou nothing better to 
say to me? Behold, I have learned a better 
lesson than that. 

And I asked her, What is the Lesson? 

And she said, I am finding every blessed 
minute of the day how few things I can do with 
my Right hand alone. Wherefore, I am thank- 
ing God that all these years I have had a good 
Left hand, as well as a Right. 

And I meditated, and I said. Thou hast well 
said. Well would it be for us all if we could 
learn thus the value of the things we despise. 



I30 SAFED AND KETURAH 

For the Right Hand is from God, and so also is 
the Left; and he who loveth his Right Hand 
should not forget to thank God that He hath 
given him the Left Hand also. 

THE FLESH AND THE SPIRIT 

There came unto me one of the Sons of the 
Prophets; and he was a goodly young man. 
His Brow was High and Pale, and so was the 
rest of him. And he took himself Seriously, 
which is not a Bad Thing to do if one work not 
overtime on the job. 

And forasmuch as Keturah had other fish 
to fry on that day, I took him to Luncheon at a 
Restaurant. 

And he looked upon the bill of fare and 
heaved a sigh. And he said, I have to be Very 
Careful of my Eating. 

And he spake unto the Waitress, and he said, 
Give me a Very Thin Slice of Toast, and a Very 
Soft Boiled Egg, and a Cup of Hot Water. 

Now I thought that it would do him good to 
receive a Little Jolt. 

And I spake unto the Waitress, and I said, 
Bring unto me a Thick, Juicy Beefsteak, and a 
Baked Potato with a Trap Door in the Top, and 
a Chunk of Butter in the Trap Door, and some 



SAFED AND KETURAH 131 

Paprika sprinkled round about the Butter; 
and bring unto me also a Cup of Coffee, and a 
Quarter Section of Hot Mince Pie with the 
Bark On, and a Slice of Cheese with the Pie. 

And the Waitress smiled a Little Subjective 
Smile, for she knew that I did not always go in 
quite so Heavy, and she surmised that it was an 
Object Lesson. But she spake nothing, save 
that she said, Yessir. And she departed. 

And the young man was Astonished. 

And he said, Thou art a man with Gray Hair, 
yet dost thou give thought to what thou shalt 
eat and drink. 

And I said. That is just where thou dost fool 
thyself. It is thou who givest thought to it. 
For thou dost ever consider what thou shalt 
eat and what thou must not eat; whereas I 
think not of it at all; but when I come to the 
Table, then do I eat, and give God thanks that 
I have food and good digestion. 

And he said. With such an Appetite, I wonder 
thou art not dead long since. 

And I said. Thou wilt be dead before thou art 
half my age if thou forget not to think about thy 
Digestion. 

And I said unto him. My son, hearken unto 
me, and learn wisdom. It is not for nothing 
that the Good God hath put our Stomach and 



132 SAFED AND KETURAH 

all the Organs thereunto appertaining out of 
our sight. It is not the overloading of the 
stomach that killeth men so much as the over- 
loading of the mind. I am this day eating more 
than is my wont; but I shall get away with it, 
and thou wilt have Nervous Indigestion over 
thy Nursing Bottle Stuff. 

And I said unto him, Rise early in the morn- 
ing. Get a little exercise before Breakfast. 
Eat lightly but sufficiently, and get in a good 
morning's work. Get out in the afternoon, 
and make thy Parish Calls on foot, and make 
about five times as many of them as thou art 
now making. Then shalt thou come to the 
table with such appetite that thou couldst eat 
an Horse with the Harness on. Eat heartily, 
yet not as a Glutton. Leave the table while 
thou art still Capable but not Desirous. As for 
the kind of food which thou devourest, eat 
what is set before thee and ask no questions, 
save it be for a second helping. It is not that 
which goeth into a man which causeth indiges- 
tion, but the evil thoughts of whether it is safe for 
me to eat this or that or so much. The man who 
preacheth hath need of a good flow of Red Blood. 
For him a Beefsteak is a means of Grace. And 
when thou hast eaten and art full, give thanks 
to God; and as for thy Digestion, Forget It. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 133 

Now in after days he came again to me, and 
he said, To see a man of thine age consume a 
Beefsteak and a Hot Mince Pie was to me of 
more worth than half that I learned in the 
School of the Prophets. 

And I beheld that he was no longer Pale, but 
a sure enough Man. 

THE HORNETS' NEST 

When Summer cometh, I and Keturah we leave 
the City behind us, and we go Far From the 
Madding Crowd to a place where there are 
Trees and a Little Lake. And the trees of 
the Lord are full of sap, and also full of Birds 
and Squirrels and such like things. And we 
suffer no man to harm them; yea, our children 
spent their summers there, and played among 
them and made friends of them and harmed 
them not. 

Now when we arrived at the beginning of 
this summer, behold, there was a great Nest of 
Hornets in one of the trees hard by the house. 
And it was certain days before we saw it. 

Then came to us certain who said, Destroy 
it, for it will make thee trouble. 

And they said, Know ye that these are no 
Nice Little Yellow Jackets with a Gentle Sting; 



134 SAFED AND KETURAH 

for these be the Regular Old Fashioned Big Black 
Fellows, with a sting about an Inch Long; and 
the way they sting is Something Fierce; and 
when one of them cometh after a fellow, then 
do they all come, and settle upon him so that he 
is Black with them, and sting him mightily. 

And I said. Those hornets saw us several days 
before we saw them, and they troubled us not. 
So long as they behave like Gentlemen or Ladies 
or whichever they ought to be, I will harm them 
not. 

So we let them alone. 

And I and Keturah we watched them as they 
went in and out of the many holes of their Nest. 
For the Nest was larger than the head of a man. 
And they worked so that compared to them the 
Little Busy Bee is a Sluggard. And they paid no 
manner of attention to us. Yea, we came near 
and beheld, and they went on about their 
business. 

And I considered how foolish it had been to 
try to destroy the Nest; for then had they 
stung us; yea and those that escaped had 
remained and come at us daily until either we or 
they were driven out. 

But the good God hath given unto them some 
measure of the joy of life, and they menace us 
not save as we trouble them. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 135 

Wherefore did we mind our own business, 
and the hornets did the same. Neither did we 
in all the summer get one sting, or have one 
hornet fly at us. 

And I considered how many men there are 
who continually Hunt Trouble. For whenever 
they see any sort of thing that doth J'irritate 
them, then do they throw a club at it and get 
stung good and plenty. And then do they 
come with a pole and a rag soaked in coal oil 
and get stung some more. And so it goeth with 
them all through life. Whereas there is a 
More Excellent Way. 

For both I and the Hornets we minded our 
own business. And the Hornets are still there. 
And no man molesteth them or maketh them 
afraid. 

This parable teacheth that it is well for a man 
that he mind his own business. 

HEROES AND HEROINES 

There came to me a man and a woman, even 
an Husband and his Wedded Wife, and they 
said, We are weary one of the other. 

And I said. Why is it thus? 

And they said, We have grown common- 
place to each other. Once we were to each other 



136 SAFED AND KETURAH 

an Hero and an Heroine, but now we are 
Neither. 

And I said, Napoleon did not look heroic to 
Josephine after she had seen him with his 
Suspenders hanging down his back; neither did 
Joan of Arc look heroic when she held her Front 
Hair in her mouth while she did up her back 
hair. 

And they said. But he was an Hero and she 
was an Heroine. 

And I said. Heroes and Heroines cannot 
appear heroic all the time. Caesar did not look 
heroic when he had pushed his slippers too far 
back under the bed, and he had to get down and 
fish them out with an umbrella; but that be a 
necessary thing, even to Heroes and Heroines. 

And I said to the woman, When the Baby 
was sick, eight years ago, did not this thine 
Husband watch with thee day and night? 

And she said. He did. 

And I said unto the man, When thou hadst 
lost half thy money in a Fool Speculation, did 
she not stick by thee like a Little Burr, and 
cheer thee up, and never say, I told thee so? 

And he said. It is even so. 

And I said, Go down on your knees. 

And they knelt. 

And I said, Join hands. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 137 

And they did so. 

And I prayed to God on their behalf, till 
there came to their eyes tears of Memory and 
Love. 

And I Smote them lightly on the back, and I 
said, I dub thee an Hero; I dub thee an Heroine. 

And I sent them forth. 

And they lived happily ever afterward. 

GOOD HEALTH AND VERACITY 

I met a man, and I saluted him and said. 
Good Morning. 

And he answered me with a Grunt. 

And I said unto him, It is a Fine Day. 

And he said, It may be, but I feel Sick. 

And I said. According as thou feelest, so art 
thou. 

And he said, A fellow cannot help feeling 
bad when he doth feel bad. 

And I said, Thou art most surely wrong. 

And I said. Where dost thou feel ill? 

And he said, I was out late last night at a 
Party, and I went to bed Two Whole Hours 
later than usual, and I slept but an Half Hour 
later than I commonly do, and I rushed for my 
train. Therefore doth my Head Ache and I 
feel ill. 



138 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And I said unto him, How many arms hast 
thou, and do they ache? 

And he said, They are all right and their 
number is Two. 

And I said, How many fingers hast thou on 
each hand, that would pain thee if any one of 
them were cut or broken? 

And he said, I have ten fingers, but I see not 
what that has to do with it. 

I said unto him. Take heed to what I say and 
learn wisdom. The two hours of sleep that 
thou didst lose are something, but not much. 
It is thine extra half hour in bed that aileth thee. 
Thou shouldest have risen a little earlier than 
usual and burned a little more Oxygen. If 
thine head felt Rocky, thou shouldest have 
said, I have two good legs, which are all right, 
and I will stretch them with a little walk. I 
have two good Arms, and I will swing them. 
I have two good Eyes and I will fill them with the 
Beauty of the Morning. I have two good 
Lungs, and they pain me not; I will cram them 
with Fresh Air. I have two good Ears, and never 
an Earache; I will listen to the Birds as I walk. 

And I said unto him, I am accustomed to 
going to bed two hours later than usual. It is 
not the loss of sleep that hurteth a man if he 
lose a little more in getting fresh air. 



SAP ED AND KETURAH 139 

And he said, Thou speakest words of folly. 
If a man lose sleep, he must make it up; and if 
he feeleth ill, there is no reason why he should 
lie about it. 

And I said. According as a man thinketh in 
his heart so is he well or ill. The good God who 
made this world hath put into it that where- 
with we may be strong, and he who riseth in the 
morning with a heavy feeling in his head ought 
to have more sense than to lie later than usual 
and gorge his breakfast and run for the train, 
and then blaspheme his God by telling the world 
that he feeleth ill. 

And he said, It is just possible that thou 
speakest a little bit of good sense, and I have not 
considered it before. 

And I said unto him, Consider it now, and it 
shall be worth more than an whole Apothecary 
Shop to thee. 

FAILURE AND SUCCESS 

Keturah made a Cake. And the manner of 
making it was this. She baked it in Three 
Sections, and when they came from the Oven, 
she laid them one upon another so that the Cake 
was Three Stories in Height. And between the 
layers she placed Frosting, yea, and more 



I40 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Frosting upon the top thereof. And into the 
Frosting did she put handfuls of meat out of the 
Cocoanut. For there be many kinds of cake 
that I like, even every kind that Keturah 
doth make, but the best of all is the kind that 
is made with Cocoanut. 

And when she served the Cake, she said, 
Alas, my lord, it is a Failure. 

And I said, Wherefore should it be a Failure? 

And she answered. The Telephone did ring 
just when the Frosting should have been 
attended to, and it hath not sufficiently hard- 
ened. Yea, it is Sticky, and a Failure. 

And when I beheld it, lo, very much of the 
Frosting had run down the sides of the Cake. 
Nevertheless, there was much of it still upon the 
top, and between the layers, and the Cocoanut 
was all to the Good. 

And I said. Since it is a Failure, it were well to 
eat more of it, and put the Poor Thing out of 
Sight. 

And Keturah said. Thou hast well said. Eat 
thou another slice, and yet another. 

And I did as I was bidden. And albeit the 
Cake was a trifle Sticky, there was nothing else 
that was not one hundred per cent, to the 
good. 

Therefore, when she maketh something that is 



SAFED AND KETURAH 141 

Unusually Good, I say unto her, Is not this a 
Failure? For I desire another piece. 

And I would that we might somehow readjust 
life that all life's Failures might somehow make 
for success. Yea, I remember that my God hath 
promised that in some way that I know not the 
wrath of man shall praise him. 

For if this world, which is a cake not turned, 
can scrape some of the char from its overdone 
side, and bake the side that is dough so that it 
can be eaten, then shall I rejoice. For I would 
believe that this world is a success, and by faith 
I so accept it. 

THE BED AND THE MATTRESS 

I journeyed unto a distant City. And I 
made a Speech. And I tarried there until the 
next day. 

And one of the principal citizens invited me 
unto his home. And I went with him, and he 
entreated me well. 

Now when he had shown me unto my Room, 
I beheld that all the Furniture was of Solid 
Mahogany. And the Bedstead was a Work of 
Art. But when I laid my Weary Form upon 
the Bed, I sought to sleep, and I could not. 
For the Mattress also was of Solid Mahogany, 



142 SAFED AND KETURAH 

or something quite as Uncomfortable, and with 
Knots in the Mahogany. And the Spring 
sagged, so that it deposited me in an Heap in the 
middle of the Bed, and I required a Derrick 
wherewith to get out of it. 

Now the good God, who made the Trees, 
made them of many kinds, and the Wood of 
those trees hath each of them its own variety of 
Beauty. And I love the color of Mahogany, 
even when I suspect that it is Birch with a 
Stain upon it. But when I go unto my Bed, I 
soon forget the color of the wood, and I desire a 
Good Mattress and a Comfortable Spring. 

And I considered concerning mine Hospitable 
Hosts that they had had about Fifty Dollars 
wherewith to buy a Bedstead and Spring and 
Bed for their Guest Room, and they had spent 
Forty of it for the Bedstead, and divided the 
Ten which they had left between a Sagging 
Spring and a Solid Mahogany Mattress with 
Lumps in It. 

Now I considered that there are other people 
who do likewise. For I went unto the House of 
God, and there rose a Preacher, and he Preached. 
But he had put Forty Dollars of his Preparation 
into the Framework of his Sermon, and had only 
Ten Dollars and Five Minutes left wherein to 
Preach the Gospel. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 143 

And I called upon a man who was not a 
preacher, and I found that he was putting Forty 
Dollars of his Energy into Getting a Living, 
and less than ten dollars into the actual business 
of Living. 

And 1 thought about the Solid Mahogany Bed 
and Mattress, and I said. The people who read 
these Parables are High Brow, and they want no 
Parables made out of such Homely and Common- 
place Things. But I opened the book of the 
Prophet Isaiah, and I found there the words 
that he said, 

The bed is shorter than that a man can stretch 
himself upon it, and the covering narrower than 
that he can wrap himself in it. 

And I knew that Isaiah was a tall man, even 
as I, and that when the bedclothes pulled out 
at the foot, he could make a Parable out of it for 
the High-brow people of Jerusalem. And I 
thought I would take a chance at it. 

For there are many people in life who put 
too much into the Mahogany Bedstead and not 
enough into the Mattress and the Spring. 



144 SAFED AND KETURAH 

PROTEIDS AND CALORIES 

We went, I and Keturah, unto a Feast. And 
the Feed was good, but the talk about it was 
Indecent. For the women talked of how to 
prepare a meal that had in it a requisite number 
of Calories and Carbohydrates and other such- 
like Immodest things, and the men talked about 
how Gladstone gave unto each bite of Steak 
Thirty and Two Chews and how Horace Fletcher 
chewed Seventy-three times upon One Bean. 

And after they had talked this subject out, 
and then some, one of them said. Why is Safed 
silent? For we have not often known it thus. 

And I answered them not. 

And they pressed me, and asked me if I felt 
not well. 

And I said. There be three things which I 
like not; yea, four do I abominate. The first 
is Scandals. And the next is Anything which 
giveth unto one man a chance to Monopolize 
the Conversation, particularly if he be another 
than myself. And the third is stories of ocean 
travel which some fool doth always bring 
around to a story about Seasickness. And 
the last and most Indecent is talk about Diges- 
tion and Calories and other Infamies. 

And they said, But surely it is meet that a 



SAFED AND KETURAH 145 

man should know what goeth into his food, and 
whether it be wholesome? 

And I said, It is better for him to marry a 
woman like Keturah, and trust her, and to keep 
himself ignorant about everything save that it 
tasteth mighty good and doth not cost more 
than his income. 

And one of the women said. We are all study- 
ing about Foods and Balanced Rations, and it is 
natural that we speak of it when food is being 
eaten. 

And I said, I would not have you ignorant of 
Calories, nor would I have a Physician ignorant 
of Gizzards and Spleens, but I would forget 
them at the Table. 

Now by this time the Conversation had gotten 
to where I might monopolize it, and I said, 

Eating is not a Pretty Exercise. Dogs do 
carry away the bone, and gnaw it aloud and 
growl. But man hath learned to sit down at the 
table opposite to another man and not be dis- 
gusted at the sight. Yea, and I count it a high 
reach of Civilization when we can eat decently 
together. But as for talking of the Constituent 
Parts of Food, I abhor it. I eat Food, not 
Calories; good, well-cooked, well-served, appe- 
tizing Eats, not Carbohydrates. 

And I said, The dear Lord Christ rejoiced that 



146 SAFED AND KETURAH 

men at Table could talk of things other than 
food. And he took Bread and Drink and said, 
This do, in remembrance of me. 

And they said, Wouldest thou then that we 
talk only of Religion at the Table? 

And I said, Religion for me is the whole of 
Normal Life, and I would talk of all things Fine 
and High and Friendly and Mirthsome, for so 
the good Lord would have us do. But I would 
eat and give God thanks and forget about Ca- 
lories and Digestion. 

And one of the men swore a Great Oath, and 
he said. By Heck, thou art right. I am Fed 
Up on this Calory Stuff. Let us cut it out. 

And they all said, From this time forth all 
talk of Scandal, or Seasickness or of things 
relating to Food and its Digestion is Taboo. 

And one of them said, Was there not a fourth? 

And the hostess replied, There was, but that 
would be hard on Safed. Therefore will we 
not include it. 

THE DOUGHBOY AND THE KITTEN 

I have witnessed no exhibition of Ardor 
chastened with Prudence more evident than is 
evinced by a Discharged Doughboy at a Special 
Sale of Shirts, having Sixty Dollars in his pocket, 



SAFED AND KETURAH 147 

and remembering that besides the Shirts he 
must have a Suit. 

And I beheld such an one on his way to pro- 
cure his Citizens' Clothes, and he walked with a 
brisk step, with a stride such as he learned in 
the Fields of Flanders. 

Now the street through which he passed had 
houses that were built solidly the one against 
the other, but each had a Small Dooryard in 
the front of it, with a Gate and a Brick Walk 
that led from the Door down to the Street. 

And there stood at the Door of one of the 
houses a Small Kitten. And it pleaded pite- 
ously that it might enter. But there was none 
that regarded, neither any that opened the Door. 

And the Doughboy turned upon his Heel as 
he had been the Pivot Man in a Left Wheel, and 
he turned to the Left, and he opened the Gate, 
and he walked down the Brick Walk, and rang 
the Bell. And when the Door was opened, then 
did he hand in the Kitten, and Salute, and walk 
away. 

And I know not whether the Lady of the 
House liked it or not but she received the 
Kitten into the House, and did not shut it out. 

And the Doughboy went on his way unto the 
Shirt Sale. 

And when I saw him do that, I wished for 



148 SAFED AND KETURAH 

him that he had money enough left over to 
buy him an Extra Good Striped Silk Shirt and 
a Four Dollar Necktie, besides those that he 
had money to buy. For I like that kind of a 
Doughboy. 

Now I thought of the habits of men, and how 
many there be who are so engrossed with their 
own Troubles, and so cumbered with the cares 
of life, that they never have time to see any 
kittens at other people's doors, and see them at 
their own only that they may drive them away, 
and who look with little concern upon the 
sorrows of their fellow men as they pass on their 
way to Mill or to Market. 

And I said, It would do a great many men an 
Whole Lot of Good as they march straight down 
the walk of Life, if they would look now and 
then to the right or the left, and behold the 
needs of other living creatures, and do for them 
the little deeds that cost but little and brighten 
the day. 

For there are other creatures besides kittens 
that wail at unopened doors; and some of us 
could open some of them, and still get to the 
Shirt Sale in time to spend all the money that 
we have. But the day would be brighter for 
some one, and no darker for ourselves. 

And a little later I passed the place where they 



SAFED AND KETURAH 149 

sold Shirts, and the Doughboy was coming out, 
with a Good Big Package under his arm. And I 
blessed him in mine heart. 

THE PIANOLA 

Of stupidity in men full grown have I seen 
not a little, and for some of it have the owners 
deserved great credit ; for only by profound study 
of the business of being stupid could they have 
become as stupid as they are. But it goeth to 
mine heart to see in little children any manner 
of infirmity. Therefore am I saddened when I 
go to Public Institutions for Children, yet glad 
that such things be for the children who have 
need of them. And one such institution there 
is for children that are Feeble Minded. And I 
saw therein what they endeavor to do for chil- 
dren in whom the good God appeareth to have 
forgotten to make minds. 

And among the rest was one who could play 
upon a Pianola. 

And he did take rolls of Paper with Holes 
punched through, and tread with his feet, and 
the thing made musick. 

And it was good musick, because the Rolls 
were good. But he knew not the Unfinished 
Symphony of Schubert from There'll be an 



I50 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight. But 
whatsoever was on the Roll, he played it. And 
to his feet it was good exercise, and to his mind 
it was a Pleasant Noise. 

And I spake to the Superintendent and I said, 
Behold, I have enjoyed the musick, albeit the 
child that made the musick knew not that it was 
musick. 

And I thought much. And I remembered 
men who make noises with their mouths which 
to them are Great Wisdom, and to the rest of us 
but Noise, and how with them the effect is the 
reverse of what doth happen when a Simple 
Child doth tread out with his feet musick which 
he knoweth not as such. 

And I said to the Superintendent, It were well 
if thou didst have here certain men who are 
wise in their own eyes, and whose words are 
empty of wisdom. Then mightest thou treat 
them with the system. And if peradventure 
thou couldst work that system backward for 
their benefit, then might they hear how foolish 
are their own words. And it might be in time 
that they could make their heads as effective 
as the feet of a foolish boy. 

But the Superintendent was not sure that his 
System could be worked backward. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 



THE UNIDENTIFIED TASTE 

I was once a Lad, and I loved Candy. And 
the Candy of that day came not in Boxes at a 
Dollar and the Half of a Dollar for a Pound, 
else had I never seen any of it with a Telescope. 
But it came in Sticks. And the price of a Stick 
of Candy was a Cent. And if one had great 
wealth, then might he obtain six sticks for Five 
Cents. But I seldom had Six Sticks. 

Now there came unto our house a Visitor 
who brought unto us a small Paper Bag of 
Candy of another Sort. And it was of many 
sorts. And I ate one of the lumps, and it was 
more delicious than anything that I had ever 
eaten, or have eaten since. 

It was not hard, but was more nearly soft; 
yet it was not utterly soft and squashy; but 
it had in it shreds of a substance with a flavor 
of its own, and it grated upon the teeth with a 
most celestial sensation. It gave unto the sense 
of taste a New Experience as of something that 
might have been contained in a Story Book, 
but never known in Real Life. It left in my 
mouth a Reminiscent Longing, mingled with a 
Happy Consciousness that I had experienced 
something finer of its kind than ever before had 
occurred to me. 



152 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Now as the years went by, and as I ca.me to 
know more about the various Kinds of Candy, 
I bought many kinds. For I love Chocolate 
Creams, and Cream Patties, and Divinity Fudge 
and divers other kinds, and I think that I shall 
always care for it. And I sought for many 
years for a kind of Candy that should taste 
as did that piece which I ate in my boyhood, 
but I found it not. 

And it hath sometimes occurred to me that 
it may have been Cocoanut Bar that I ate, and 
knew not the name of it. But I have eaten 
much Cocoanut Bar and it is good, but it tasted 
not as that tasted. 

So it seemeth that I shall go through life 
desiring that I may once again taste something 
as good as that which I once tasted, and that 
I shall not taste it again. 

For, if it be so that what I ate was Cocoanut 
Bar, and I have eaten other since as good, then 
do I surely know that it was something in me 
that hath been lost, and not anything in the 
Candy. For I can never bring to it the appetite 
of a Boy, though mine is a Close Approach unto 
it. 

And I considered the men who scold their 
wives because they cannot cook as those men's 
mothers did. And I consider that their wives 



SAFED AND KETURAH 153 

are better cooks than their mothers, but that 
the men of jaded appetites bring no longer to the 
table the hunger of a boy, that is able to trans- 
form very ordinary cooking into something 
marvelously good. And I advise those men 
not to demand of their wives such cooking as 
mother produced until they saw wood long 
enough to get an appetite such as mother's 
darling little boy was used to possess. 

But if there be any good woman who maketh 
Home Made Candy, and who can make me some 
that shall taste like that which I ate in that day 
when I was a boy, I would saw wood for some 
time for the joy of having that taste again in 
my mouth. 

But if I never have it again, then shall no 
man take away from me that, or any joy that 
I once have had. For those joys are mine own 
forever. 

THE KEEPER OF THE INN 

I lighted upon a certain place, and lodged 
there, I and Keturah. For there was an Inn 
in that place that was famous, and the master of 
the Inn had written unto me, saying. Come thou 
and bring Keturah, and lodge in mine Inn, and 
it shall not cost thee a Cent. 



154 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And when I arrived, behold there were people 
before the desk who were standing in line, and 
the Clerk was saying. We have no room, but 
are full to the Roof. And they were offering 
Big Money for any old place to sleep in this 
Inn. But unto me and Keturah did he give a 
Swell Room and Bath. And he said. Fret not 
thyself on account of the demand for Rooms, 
but stay as long as thou canst. 

Now I talked with the master of the Inn, and 
I said, There be men who say of thee that thou 
art Visionary, and a Dreamer of Dreams; while 
others say that thou art a Cold Calculator, and 
that thou chargest to Advertising thine Art 
Gallery and thy Musick Hall and all the rest 
wherewith thine Inn is adorned. Tell me, I 
pray thee, on the level, how much of this is 
Idealism, and how much is straight Business? 

Then he answered me and said. Forty and 
four years ago did my mother open an Hotel 
on this lot, and I was a lad who Peeled Potatoes, 
and Hustled Baggage and Ran Errands, and I 
grew up to the Business. And I have always 
been in Debt up to my Neck, and have always 
lacked Fifteen Cents of having enough money 
to do anything that I wanted to do. And I never 
dared to dream any Dreams that would not be 
accepted as Collateral at the Bank, or yield a 



SAFED AND KETURAH 155 

net revenue of less than Six Per Cent. Fool 
not thyself with any notion that I am in this 
Business for my Health. My best advertise- 
ment is not mine i\rt Gallery but my Kitchen, 
which is open to all comers and where all may 
see just what goeth into the Soup Kettle. And 
my next-best advertisement is not my Musick 
Room but my Dining Room, with no spots on 
the Table Linen, and no dead flies in the food. 

But if I can manage the Boarding-House 
Business so that there is in it a touch of Romance, 
and a Pleasing Suggestion of Musick and Art, 
what doth it matter whether I be a Dreamer or a 
Mercenary Scoundrel, so long as the Bank is 
getting its Interest, and Guests plead for rooms 
in mine Inn? 

And I said. At least it mattereth to thine own 
heart. 

And he said, A man who is in Business must 
be honest, or move frequently; and in my 
Business, removal is inexpedient. It is cheaper 
to be honest than to move. And it may be 
cheaper to maintain a Court of the Birds and 
an Art Gallery than to have Vacant Rooms, or 
to spend much money for Advertising. 

And he said, I like Musick, and so doth my 
wife; and Birds and Bells and Pictures are not 
without a charm for me. I am a Seller of Soup, 



156 SAFED AND KETURAH 

a Compounder of Hash, a Mixer of Mincemeat. 
And no Art of Musick will compensate for Badly 
Cooked or Meanly Served Food. But and if the 
Food is according to Hoyle, and each Bed is a 
Paid Up Insurance Policy against Insomnia, 
and besides this the Inn have a little Touch of 
Mystery and of Pleasant Memories, is that 
Idealism or is it Advertising? 

And I said unto him. Thou art a Benefactor 
of Mankind. For thou hast made two Blades 
of Grass to grow where often there was less than 
one. Thou hast ministered unto a Physical 
Necessity in Exchange for Money, but thou hast 
contrived to touch the transaction with Poetry 
and Reverence. And the fact that thine Inn 
is now a Manifest Financial Success is one more 
proof that this old World is Fundamentally 
Sound at the Core; and that the things that are 
worth while have a little more than a fifty-fifty 
chance of success. 

BEING PUT OFF AT OCONOMOWOC 

The train whereon I rode was called the 
Olympian Limited. And I woke in the morning, 
and behold, the train was an Hour Late. And 
it troubled me not. For he who sold me my 
Ticket at Minneapolis said: This giveth thee a 



SAFED AND KETURAH iS7 

Ride unto Hartland, but a Sleep to Oconomowoc 
only. But and peradventure the Train be an 
hour or more late, so that thou miss the Local, 
then shalt thou ride on the Olympian to Hart- 
land, and it will stop and let thee off. 

So I woke, and said, I have an Hunch that I 
shall ride on this train to Hartland. And I 
went to sleep again. 

And the Olympian stopped at Watertown 
Junction, and the Conductor spake unto the 
Porter, even unto the Ethiopian who ruled my 
Car, and said unto him. Waken up the man in 
Lower Six who hath a Ticket for Hartland, and 
put him off at Oconomowoc; for behold, we 
passed the Local back here at Astico, and he 
shall get off and ride on that. So shall this 
train not stop for him at Hartland. 

Now I lay in my Berth and heard these words. 
Therefore did I not wait for the Ethiopian to 
tug at my Bedclothes, but I rose and put on my 
Raiment. And they put me off at Oconomowoc. 

And the Local stopped at Giffords and at 
Okauchee and at Nashota and at Nagawicka. 
And then we came to Hartland. For the dis- 
tance from Oconomowoc is Eight Miles, and 
there be Five Stops. 

And as I rode I meditated, and I said. Upon 
that Train I was not Safed the Sage, neither 



158 SAFED AND KETURAH 

was I any of the things wherein men might hold 
me apart from other men, but I was the man to 
be put off at Oconomowoc. And the Conductor 
thought concerning me only that he was mighty 
glad to get me off. And the men who gathered 
in the Washroom as the train drew nigh unto 
Milwaukee rejoiced that one man had gotten 
out so that he crowded them no more; even as 
the people give thanks in Rhode Island when a 
Fat man dieth. 

And I considered the Train of Life, and those 
who ride upon it. I saw Thrones and those whose 
hands once held Scepters, but who now Saw 
Wood, and I said unto each of them: Here is 
where thou dost Get Off, for this is Oconom- 
owoc. 

I looked to the North, and I beheld Steel 
Strikes, and to the South, and behold. Coal 
Strikes; and to the East, and I beheld Police 
Strikes, and to the West, and there I saw Race 
Riots. Also I beheld them that worked with 
the hand getting great wages and they that 
worked with the brain sore pressed with the High 
Cost of Living. And I beheld in a Vision those 
that had been Masters moving into Flats, and 
they who had been Servants moving into 
Palaces; and they who had been rich hastening 
across the Street to a safe place on the Curb 



SAFED AND KETURAH 159 

while they that had been poor Honked by and 
spattered mud upon them. 

And everywhere was unrest and uncertainty. 
And it seemed to me that the Limited Train of 
CiviHzation was feeling the grip of new Brake- 
shoes on her Wheels, and that I heard the 
solemn tones of the Conductor, crying in a loud 
voice, and saying, Oconomowoc! All change. 

THE MAN WHO RAN OVER A 
RATTLESNAKE 

There was a man who owned an Automobile, 
and he drove unto places afar. And there was 
a day when he stepped on the Gas, and went out 
into the country. And he beheld in the road 
ahead of him a Rattlesnake. And the Rattle- 
snake was crossing the road, and asking of him 
no favors save that he observe the speed limit, 
and give unto Transverse Traffick a fair share 
of the Publick Highway. And when the man 
saw the Rattlesnake, he ran the wheels of his 
Car over it, so that the back of the Serpent was 
broken. And the Serpent writhed in pain and 
died and the man drove on. And he patted 
himself upon the back and said, I have wrought a 
good deed, and there is one less enemy of the 
human race. And that may have been true; 



i6o SAFED AND KETURAH 

neither am I reproving him for what he did; 
for I am no friend of Rattlesnakes. 

Now it came to pass as he drove on, that one 
of his Tires went flat, and he stopped and 
removed it. And he found in the Inner Tube a 
small Puncture. For something had penetrated 
the Outer Tire, and cut it through. And he 
felt of the inside of his Outer Tire with his finger 
tips to find if peradventure a Tack had gone 
through his Tire, that he might remove it before 
he put in a new Inner Tube. And he found 
something that pricked his finger, and it felt 
like a Tack. But on the next day that man 
died. 

Now I once knew the President of a Railway 
who was unjust to a Brakeman; and the Brake- 
man rose to be a Conductor, and then a Division 
Superintendent, and then a General Manager, 
and then he caused the President to be fired, and 
he sat in the President's seat and he said. It 
all was written down in the Book of Fate from 
the day the Old Man Cursed me from his 
Private Car. 

And I have known of very humble men who 
have Resented being run over by Mighty Men, 
and who have kept it in mind for years until 
they found their opportunity. Yea, I have 
known the blind, unreasoning bite of a man 



SAFED AND KETURAH i6i 

whose back was broken to leave a poisoned fang 
for the finger of him who had run over him. 

Wherefore beware lest thou think too meanly 
of him whom thou despisest; neither be thou 
too ready to run over even the humblest of the 
creatures of God. For in this manner are the 
haughty brought often to humility. 

THE WORM IN THE CONCRETE 
GUTTER 

There came an Heavy Rain, so that the Angle 
Worms did come out of their Holes in the 
Earth. And one of them wriggled over the 
Curb into the Street, and came into the Gutter. , 
Now that street was Macadamized, and the 
Curb and the Gutter were of Concrete. And 
the Worm Wiggled along, and he was unable to 
Bore an Hole through the Concrete that he might 
find him an home in the earth ; -neither could he 
climb again up the side of the Curb. And he 
was much Discouraged. 

And I found him there. 

And I said. This world is the world of a Good 
God, and in it every form of life hath some 
mission. I have read in a Learned Book how the 
Earth Worms like unto this one or its Ancestors 
did make this earth Fertile ; else there had been 



i62 SAFED AND KETURAH 

no soil for the growth of such things as men do 
eat. And Worms are good also to feed the Early 
Bird, and to bait an Hook wherewith to draw 
out Leviathan. But where in all the provi- 
dence of God is there moral meaning in the 
catastrophe of a Worm in a Concrete Gutter? 

And I said, Little Worm, I have no present 
call to go a-fishing, and there is no early bird in 
sight. I might make an Hymn of thee, as 
certain men have done who call themselves 
Worthless Worms; but a man for whom Christ 
died hath no right to call himself a Worm; 
therefore will I cut out the Hymn Stunt, and 
call myself by a name either better or worse. 
But I have been in case like thee, where the 
Heavens were Brass, and the earth offered no 
refuge, and I should have been in Despair but for 
the Help of a Friend or the Love of God. 
Behold, I will be unto thee as God; for I have 
the power of life or death of thee. 

And I picked up the Worm, and lifted him 
over the curb, and laid him on the Wet Earth. 

And neither he nor the Early Bird knew that 
I had done this. 

Even so hath God holpen me in times when I 
wot not of it. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 163 



PHILOSOPHY AND MONEY 

There came to me a Rich Man, who spake 
unto me, saying. What is a Philosopher? 

And I said, As is his name, so is he; one that 
loveth Wisdom. 

And he said. Art thou a Philosopher? 

And I said. Humblest am I among the most 
humble of her servants; yet am I a lover of 
Wisdom. 

And he said, I am no Philosopher, but I am a 
Rich Man. What dost thou consider a Rich 
Man to be? 

And I answered, As one whom God hath 
blessed so richly with abundance of Soup where- 
on he filleth himself so that he hath no room nor 
appetite for the Ice Cream, so is many a Rich 
Man; but also there are Others. Of which 
sort art thou? 

And he said. If thou art a Philosopher, thou 
shouldest know. But art not thou thyself a 
lover of Money? Yea, doth not every Philoso- 
pher love Money more than any Rich Man 
loveth Philosophy? 

And I said. That question hath been asked of 
old. And there was a Rich Man in Olden Time 
who thus asked a Philosopher wiser than I. 
And that Philosopher answered, The reason 



1 64 SAFED AND KETURAH 

that Philosophers care more for Money than 
Rich Men care for Wisdom is that Philosophers 
know what they Lack, and Rich Men know not. 

And he said, The Philosopher who said that 
was a Wise Old Boy. 

And I said, O thou Rich Man, thou art not 
altogether hopeless. Even like unto the Big 
Monsters of the Deep that yet are Mammals 
and not Fish, so hast thou something besides 
Gills; yea thou hast Lungs that are fitted for 
More Oxygen than thou canst extract from the 
Salt Water of Business; and now and then must 
thou Come Up to Breathe. 

And I said unto him. 

Hearken thou to me. The Philosopher is 
not saved by his Philosophy, and it is Right 
Possible for him to be at one and the same 
time a Philosopher and a Fool; neither is there 
any way under Heaven whereby either may be 
saved if he use not the gift of God for the wel- 
fare of others. 

And he said. Thou art indeed a Wise Old Boy. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 165 

THE CONVENTION OF THE 
LUMBERMEN 

The time drew on toward Christmas, and the 
ground was white with snow. And there came 
to the City where I dwell a Convention of 
Lumbermen. And they lodged in a great Inn, 
and they held daily Sessions, and they rode 
about the City, and had a Good Time. 

And I attended one of their Sessions. 

And there rose a man who owneth many 
Sawmills, and introduced a Resolution, denounc- 
ing the Habit of cutting down small trees for 
Christmas Trees. 

And he spake on this wise : 

Men and brethren, our craft is in danger. 
Behold how the price of Lumber soareth because 
the Trees grow few. Timber land which once 
cost us but few dollars an acre, now costeth us 
Many Dollars, and it lieth farther and farther 
from the Railroad. And what shall be the end 
thereof? Moreover, there are in this land 
Families unto the number of Twenty Millions, 
and each of them hath its Christmas Tree, which 
despoileth the land of its Young Trees, and 
cutteth off the supply of the Future. Where- 
fore, consider, and let us petition the Legislature 
to make it a Misdemeanor to cut down any tree 



i66 SAFED AND KETURAH 

for the purpose of making thereof a Christmas 
Tree. 

And they spake one and another of them to 
the same end. 

And I rose and said, O ye Strainers out of 
Gnats and Swallowers of Camels, before ye 
pass that motion, amend it so that it shall read 
that every Lumberman be sent to jail who 
cutteth down one large tree and planteth not 
ten small ones. Yea, and let him be beaten 
with many stripes if he leave his tops to take 
fire and burn over and desolate the land of its 
young timber. If thou wilt hang a few Lumber- 
men for their high crimes and misdemeanors, 
then will there be Lumber for all, and Wood to 
burn, and Christmas Trees once a Year for 
everybody. 

And one of them said, Safed is an Idealist, but 
he knoweth not that the kind of lumbering which 
he adviseth is not Commercially Profitable. 

And I said, Ye savers at the Spigot and 
Wastrels at the Bung, reorganize your business 
that it shall be profitable to provide for the 
Future as well as for the Present. And cease to 
condemn those who have small trees at 
Christmas. 

And no man spake more in reply, but I 
inferred that my remarks were not Popular. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 167 

THE AUTUMN HOLLYHOCKS 

There came unto me a woman, being un- 
married, even one whom the profane call an 
Old Maid, being one of those women whom 
the Lord loveth too well to give her unto any 
one man. 

And she sat before me in bitterness of spirit. 
And she said : 

I desire to open unto thee mine heart, for it is 
full of bitterness. There is no one on earth to 
whom I am necessary. Behold, thine hand- 
maiden was once young and fair, and when 
young men saw me, then did they desire me. 
And I might have been married and the mother 
of children. But my parents kept me close so 
that young men feared to look at me. And 
my brothers sought wives, and married and 
begat sons and daughters, and sent for me to 
take care of their children, but I had none of 
mine own. Yea, and when my father and my 
mother grew old, then did I remain with them, 
and care for them, and humor them when they 
grew Childish. And now they are dead and 
buried, and their souls are in Heaven, and my 
life work is done. And I am an Old Maid, and 
life hath nothing left for me. 

And she said. If I go unto a Wedding, then do 



i68 SAFED AND KETURAH 

men whom I have known long, and who were 
young when I was young, joke with me, and say, 
It will be thy turn next. And I smile, though I 
fain would murder them. For being an Old 
Maid is no joke when one hath done her life 
work and hath more years to live and nothing 
to live for. 

And I said unto her. The sun is bright, and 
the day is warm, for this is the season called 
Indian Summer; and for this and the Moccasin 
and the Canoe, I do thank the American Indian. 
Step out with me into the Garden, for I have 
somewhat to show thee. 

Now the Garden was laid waste by the frost, 
and the beauty that had been was but a memory. 
But at one side is there a Mulberry Tree, and 
beyond it a Garage where I keep old books, 
and an Hoe and a Shovel and an Wheelbarrow: 
for I have no Automobile save an Wheelbarrow 
and the Cars of my friends, who are Many. 

And under the shade of the Mulberry Tree, 
hard by the Garage, was there an Hollyhock in 
Full Bloom. And the color thereof was beau- 
tiful. 

And she exclaimed concerning it, and won- 
dered with great admiration that it was so late 
in Bloom, and the Blossoms so beautiful. 

And I said unto this woman, even unto this 



SAFED AND KETURAH 169 

Unappropriated Blessing who is called an Old 
Maid, 

Thou art like unto this Hollyhock. 

And she said, Do not mock thine hand- 
maiden. 

And I said, This Hollyhock was shaded by 
the Mulberry Tree and by the Garage, so that 
it grew slowly. But when the heat of the 
Summer fell upon the Garden, then did this 
Hollyhock grow secure and wilt not. And 
now when Frosts have fallen upon other Flowers, 
it blossometh like the Spring. 

And I said unto her, Put on thy prettiest 
frock, and tire thine hair becomingly, and drop 
ten years from thine age, and go forth and 
blossom. For God hath yet work for thee even 
though thou live single. Yea, and because men 
are very Susceptible Creatures, who knoweth 
whether there be some Perfectly Good Widower 
looking for just such a Late-Blooming Flower 
as thou shalt be? And if not, still is it better 
to Blossom than to die with frost at the heart. 

And the next time I beheld her, she looked 
ten years younger; and certain men did sit up 
and take notice. 

And I counted this among my Good Deeds. 



I70 SAFED AND KETURAH 

THE GOLDEN HAIR 

The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
put her left arm around my neck, and drew my 
face close down beside hers, and held me where 
we could look both of us at ourselves in a large 
Mirror. And I saw therein the face of a dear 
little girl and the face of a Grandfather who 
loveth her. 

And the little maiden appeared to see some- 
thing and to miss something in what the Mirror 
disclosed. For she caught up her Golden Hair 
with her right hand, and cast it over my head. 

And she cried out in great glee, and she 
said, 

See, Grandpa, see. Your hair is Orange- 
Colored. 

And I gave her a good, tight hug and a kiss. 
And I took her hand, and we came unto 
Keturah. And I said unto her. Who saith that 
Safed is Aged, and where is the man who doth 
afhrm that his hair is Grey? Behold, mine 
hair is Red-Golden. 

And I and the daughter of the daughter of 
Keturah showed unto her our Stunt. But we 
did not quite fool Keturah. For she knew what 
color was mine own hair that was underneath 
the golden curls of the little damsel. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 171 

Yet did I walk away with a lighter step, and 
I said, Let no man call me old. I have reliable 
information that mine Hair is Orange-Colored. 
I am not old, so long as I have a little Grand- 
daughter to keep me young. 

Now the season was the Autumn; for the 
summer was past, and the harvest was ended. 
And I looked at the Trees, and, behold, the leaves 
thereof were Red and Golden. 

And I removed mine Hat, and I addressed 
Nature, saying, 

I am something of a bluffer myself, and I 
understand thy Camouflage. Thou no less 
than I dost feel in thy veins the approach of 
Autumn, and thou makest a Brave Bluff. Thou 
canst not turn backward the procession of the 
Seasons, nor bind with the sweet influence of 
the Pleiades the flight of time nor the coming of 
the Frost. But thou hast somewhere hidden 
in the Woods a little Fairy that saith unto thee. 
Thou still art young; put on thy Glad Rags 
and Smile. And behold, here thou art, with 
Winter only two laps behind, and thou art pre- 
tending to feel young. 

And I said, 

Nature, thy method is O. K. and I am glad 
that out of the mouth of a little girl I have 
learned the same happy little Bluff. We are 



172 SAFED AND KETURAH 

neither of us liars. Beneath every leaf that 
smileth as it prepareth to wither and to drop, is 
the bud of new life. The smile of the forest 
in Autumn is the prophecy within its roots of 
Eternal Youth. It is even so with me. It is 
not always May. But I am determined to 
keep my skyline clear and my waistline trim 
and mine heart young. And if ever I should 
have a suspicion that mine hair tendeth toward 
Grey, then I know how to change the color, and 
to go forth with head and heart both young. 

THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE BLUE 
DRESS 

I rode upon a Train from New York even 
unto Chicago. And the Train was Full. And 
among the rest was there a Young Mother with 
a Little Girl. And they were going unto South 
Bend and the little damsel wore a Blue Dress. 

And the little maiden and I became friends; 
for Little Girls like me, and I do verily believe 
that Good Little Girls are made of Sugar and 
Spice and all that is Nice. 

And she had Dominoes wherewith to play. 
And she sat with me, and we set up the Dominoes 
to make Beds. And we made of them Single 
Beds, and Double Beds, and we tried to make 



SAFED AND KETURAH 173 

Beds such as were in the Train, but we did not 
succeed very well. 

And we had ridden all night and much of the 
day, and it drew toward evening. And I said, 
This place is Elkhart, and the miles unto Chi- 
cago are an Hundred and One; and here do they 
cut off the Dining Car, and it is our last long 
stop. And we shall reach Chicago in Two Hours 
and Twenty Minutes, and South Bend will be 
before that. 

And she said, I would that South Bend were 
farther. 

And I inquired of her why she said so. 

And she said. There will be Very Hard Letters 
to learn in South Bend. 

And I said, Why dost thou think there will be 
Hard Letters to learn? 

And she said, I had just begun to go to school 
when my father got a new job in South Bend 
and sent for us. And I learned A and B and C 
all the way down to X and Y and Z, and how to 
spell CAT and DOG and COW and many more. 
And my mother says that now I must begin all 
over again. And the Letters will be different ; and 
who knoweth how they spell COW in South Bend ? 

And I said. Fear not. They spell it mostly 
with a C, and only a few of them begin it with 
a K. 



174 SAFED AND KETURAH 

And she said, It will all be so different, and I 
fear it. I wish this old Train would go on and 
on, and never come to South Bend. 

And I saw that the little maiden was sore 
distressed by reason of the Very Hard Letters. 

And I said unto her. Fear not, my dear. I 
have been in South Bend; yea, I have passed 
through it an hundred times. The letters there 
are A and B and C, and X and Y and Z, and 
there are twenty-six of them and no more. 

And she inquired, Art thou sure? 

And I said. Sure thing. And CAT and DOG 
are the same as in New York, and all that thou 
didst learn there will be good in South Bend. 

And the little maiden was comforted. 

Now this hooting, whanging train of human 
life moveth swiftly; and ever and anon there 
getteth on some passenger who wondereth how 
it will be in the place to which he journeyeth, 
and who approacheth life's destination with 
fear. And I prayed unto my God that he would 
send unto all such some of his Experienced 
Angels, who would say to all such timid souls, 
Fear not. The Alphabet of Heaven is the 
kindly deeds and gracious words which thou hast 
learnedjin the Kindergarten of Life. Heaven 
and Earth have a Common Alphabet, and all 
that thou hast learned will be of value there. 



SAFED AND KETURAH 175 

And the little maiden flung a kiss toward me 
as the Train pulled out of South Bend, and I 
beheld her in the arms of her father. 

SEEING THE FIRE ENGINE 

My little Grandson came unto my house, and 
he was Sobbing. 

And I inquired, saying, Why is my little lad 
grieved ? 

And he burst into piteous Lamentation, 
and he cried, I want to see the Fire Engine. 

And his mother spake, saying. We came past 
the Engine House, and the Firemen were Wash- 
ing the Engine. And he desired to tarry, but I 
said. We will stop as we return from the Post- 
ofifice. And behold, when we returned, the Fire- 
men had taken the Engine inside, so that we 
saw it no more. 

There are sorrows great and sorrows small: 
but the sorrow of the small boy who hath desired 
to see the Fire Engine and hath not seen it is the 
Sorrow of Calamity. 

And the little lad cried sore, saying, I want 
to see the Fire Engine. 

And I said. Come with me, for we shall surely 
see the Fire Engine. 

And as we started there came a man to 



176 SAFED AND KETURAH 

see me, but I said, Tarry thou till I return, 
or come again another day, for I am busy. 

And we went unto the Engine House. And 
I spake unto the Chief, and I saluted him, and 
he saluted me. And I said, We desire to see the 
Fire Engine. 

And the Chief took the little lad and set 
him on high, so that he sat far up on the seat 
behind the Steering Wheel. And the Chief 
gave him the Bell Rope, and the little lad pulled 
the rope so that the Bell Rang. 

And he saw the Ladders and the Truck, and 
the Chemical Engine, and the Whole Business. 

And certain of the Firemen ascended the 
stairs, and slid down the Brass Pole that he 
might see how they descended when there 
was a Fire. 

And the little lad had the Time of his Life. 

Moreover, I had a Pretty Tolerably Good 
Time myself. For I am not too old to remember 
when I chased the Fire Engine. 

So the little lad and I we came again, and 
I left him with Keturah, and with his mother 
the daughter of Keturah. And they said. 
Have you two Small Boys seen the Fire 
Engine? 

And we answered and said. We have seen 
it. And my Grandson told about the High 



SAFED AND KETURAH 177 

Seat and the Bell and the Brass Pole and the 
Chief. 

Now it came to pass that night when I 
said my Prayers, that I spake unto Keturah, 
saying, Some good things have I done this 
day, and some it may be not so good. But 
one mighty good deed have I done: I let my 
work Go Hang for an hour while I went with 
the lad to see the Fire Engine. 

For he who doeth a kind deed unto a little 
child, doeth it for all the long years that lie 
ahead of that young life. Wherefore do I 
say unto all men. Skimp not thy deeds of 
kindness to any sort of man or woman, but 
the good deed that lasteth longest is that which 
thou shalt do unto a little child. 

And moreover, it is an Whole Lot of Fun. 

THE WIVES OF THE PROPHET 

I and Keturah we were invited to a Recep- 
tion. And Keturah inquired of me, saying, 
Which dress shall I wear? Shall it be my 
New one or my Blue one or the One I Wore 
Last. 

And I said. Let it be the Blue one. 

And she said, I will wear All Three. 

For this is our Little Joke; and her New 



178 SAFED AND KETURAH 

Blue Last Worn Dress looketh good unto me 
when Keturah hath it on. 

And I said, There will be no woman there 
so fair as thou. For her Cheeks were red, 
and she stepped off as if she were Sixteen. 

And she said, O my Lord, there is nothing 
more pleasing unto a woman than to look 
well in the eyes of the man whom she doth love. 
Nevertheless, I cannot forget the years nor the 
grey hair which the years have brought. God 
grant I may always look well in thine eyes. 

And I said, Sure thing. 

And I said. There was once a Prophet named 
Mohammed ; and there are those who think that 
he was a False Prophet, but that concerneth 
not my story. And he had a wife whose name 
was Kadi j ah. And it came to pass after long 
years that she died. And he despaired of filling 
her place with any one woman, and he married 
many wives. And one of them was his Favorite, 
and her name was Ayesha. 

And it came to pass that Ayesha inquired of 
Mohammed, saying. Am I not very beautiful? 
And he said. Yea. 

And she inquired. Dost thou not love me? 
And he answered. Yea. 

And she said. Am not I thy Favorite? And 
Mohammed looked around to be sure that 



SAFED AND KETURAH 179 

none of his other wives were listening in, and 
he answered, Yea. 

And she inquired yet further, Dost thou not 
love me more than thou lovest any of thine 
other wives? 

And again he looked around, and he answered 
softly, Yea. 

And if Ayesha had been wise she would have 
stopped there. But there was one question 
which she wanted to ask more than all, and she 
made the mistake of asking it. 

And she said, O Mohammed, thou great and 
noble man, dost thou not love me more than thou 
didst love Kadijah? For she grew old and had 
wrinkles and grey hair, and I am young and fair. 

And Mohammed answered with a Great 
Oath, and he said, 

Nay, by Allah! For she it was who first 
believed in me! 

And I said unto Keturah, Though all the 
fair women in the world were placed in line, 
and I were led admiring down the length of it, 
yet would I find no one among them all who 
could create for me the memories of our struggles 
and anxieties and economies and our meager 
triumphs and our sweet and holy joys. Thou 
in thy New Blue Last Worn Dress art unto thy 
husband the fairest among women. 



i8o SAFED AND KETURAH 

And Keturah said nothing, but she found 
my hand as we walked away together, and she 
gave it a Httle squeeze. 



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